When I Grow Up to be a Man (or the Black and White Prom Shoes)

When I grow up to be a man
Will I dig the same things that turn me on as a kid?
Will I look back and say that I wish I hadn't done what I did?
Will I joke around and still dig those sounds
When I grow up to be a man?

As the Beach Boys pondered, what will it be like to grow up? What will the kid become as they mature? What does it mean to be a man?

Every parent has that experience - at 9 or 49 - one day you see your child differently, or better said your child is no longer a child but now grown up. Ian, you always looked grown up in so many ways - your muscular body, hairy legs, and yes the facial hair. But I saw all of that physique get occupied by a fully grown man your senior year and beyond. It is a time every father dreams to see - manhood - thank God I saw it and could savor it.

Will I look for the same things in a woman that I dig in a girl?
(fourteen fifteen)
Will I settle down fast or will I first wanna travel the world?
(sixteen seventeen)
Now I'm young and free, but how will it be
When I grow up to be a man?

Oooooo Ooooooo Oooooooo

The transition in my eyes, clearly I was running behind you as always, was recognized when you stepped out of the dressing room getting sized for prom tux. It wasn't the classic black and white look, or the smart white tie and vest - it was the shoes. We argued about classic black - you know the stupid slick black shoes everyone wore but hated. You would have no part. You wanted the black and white dress shoes - the spectator black and white wedges to be precise. Me, being cheap - tried to dissuade you (for my lifelong cheapness, I apologize). But you pressed and you tried them on. When you exited the dressing room - I saw it. I don't know why or how the shoes did it - but in that moment, they brought together so many random thoughts and memories - I saw who you were. You had become, a man.

So, the shoes were sharp! Sharpest shoes at the prom. Indeed you and Seraina were the best looking couple there - her beautiful white dress and you and the tux, roses setting things off, and of course the shoes! But it was more than that. The shoes completed the realization that you were the man I dreamed of - my son.

You had asked Seraina to prom in an amazing way - showing the romantic in your heart, your creativity and your brawn. You asked her father for the opportunity to take her to prom - was it two weeks before you asked? That took guts! He apparently said yes. You then "popped the question" by asking her to go to lunch with you, blindfolding her and driving to Mount Bonnell. You then apparently carried her up the stairs to the top (I get winded carrying myself up those stairs!). At that point you put her on the cement picnic table and got on your knee and presented a candy ring pop - and asked her to prom. I am glad she said yes!

Will my kids be proud or think their old man is really a square?
(eighteen nineteen)
When they're out having fun yeah, will I still wanna have my share?
(twenty twenty-one)
Will I love my wife for the rest of my life
When I grow up to be a man?

What will I be when I grow up to be a man?

It was the culmination of years, but more particularly, a year of rapid personal growth. You addressed relationships with women - to hold them in honor and purity. You developed the "accountability group" with Terry and others and met regularly to talk guys stuff, be silly and hold each other accountable to Godly standards. It worked and it continued. It seemed like you guys met in Austin on each trip home to meet, talk, laugh and renew commitments. That type of commitment come from a real man.


You addressed your health issues - finally taking your meds regularly, Moving from A's, B's and C's early in school to all A's. Sleep, real rest, allowed you to realize your potential. You further refined the legendary Ian Pogue method of working out, scaring the soccer team, intimidating anyone in the same weight room, on a track or road. Although I was often your workout partner, your father was pretty intimidated too. We worked out aplenty - but you had the pre-workout drink, exercise routine, post-workout recovery - and offset days (leg day, chest day, arm day, yadda yadda day) to get all your body fit. You could leg press a SmartCar - you were a real man. (Mom has always loved the picture of you and Danny flexing and Danny's look of amazement at your size and definition in Junior High! I remember helping make the stick horse out of a broom stick and sock - so you could be the sexy "Old Spice" man. Precious memories!)

You grew in your study of God's Word, worship, and commitment to truth. Your life at work, home and school spoke of this constant striving. Work was challenging - personalities, schedules, customers, hours. But you worked, smiled, chatted, made coffee, chatted more. Made friends with everyone and took care of friends, pizza delivery guys, homeless, etc. You prioritized people and you chose to serve - played in KIDS band - even if it meant getting up ridiculously early on a Sunday morning, moving heavy things to set up the KIDS production set, practicing, playing and then having to scoot off to work for half a day. Serving the kids was just that important. We would sit with Paul and Jesse in the hallway outside the choir room and share. You were open with your struggles, personal (purity, honesty, etc.), healthwise (sleep, headaches, stress), aspirational (what to do with the band, record or go to college, which college, what major). We studied God's Word; we prayed for each other; we held each other accountable. I learned to share my struggles, honestly and openly with you, as my peer, not just my son. We came to know each other, our strengths, weaknesses, besetting sins. We supported each other - we loved each other.

As you can tell from above, your relationships with you Mom and I matured. You joined our conversations. As noted in other blogs, gave wise counsel and challenged me to live like a man. You spent purposeful time with Caylea and Danny - even though your schedule was busy and you had many other options, watching a movie with us (well sleeping through the end of it), visiting Danny in Houston and playing games he liked to play. I can only imagine the texting, the calls, the offline discussions that you had with your sibs every week.

Prom went off without a hitch. You and Seraina looked amazing, were glowing with smiles and apparently danced those shoes off. Your face, your stubble, your smile - those shoes - glow in my memories. Every time I see our rose bushes, I remember you standing there, the man, my son, posing for pictures.

After Prom, Terry and his family had a party for friends. He asked Little Emily Warfield to play for the event. It was late when things started and we loaded up the Bugera, the Trace Elliot and your Musicman and hauled them into the house. You were still in your tux! Soon the coat, the shirt, came off and you put on a t and set up. The band then played and you, Erin and Jacob never sounded so good, or so loud, in such a small venue - a living room. I remember how proud I was to see you leading in creative, constructive fun - and playing like a dream. Mom and I hung out and just watched. We headed out pretty late, but the party went on till morning. You came home full of stories, joy and exhaustion. Then crashed.

Won't last forever

It's kind of sad

Won't last forever

It's kind of sad

Won't last forever

I saw what every parent dreams of - the transition - the stepping out of a child to adulthood, the owning of your life, your issues and situations. I am reminded how John (your namesake) remembered this process of maturing:

I am writing to you, little children,
because your sins are forgiven for his name's sake.
I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, children,
because you know the Father.
I write to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because you are strong,
and the word of God abides in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.
(1 John 2:12-14)

I watched you come to know the Father, know your sins were forgiven for Jesus' Name sake - but then grow to have God's Word abide in your heart and overcome evil with His power. Funny how shoes opened my blind eyes to see you grow up right before them. I miss seeing you continue to "know" more, "abide" more deeply, and "overcome" more. I am thankful to have seen the transition, to have walked with you through it and be able to remember the smile, the giggle, the music, the life - you.

The song continues to count up in age to thirty one. Our memories stopped at nineteen. It is very sad. It makes me very sad that I cannot watch you grow up more, mature more, parent your kids, experience the same joy I felt seeing you become a man. So many memories that I wanted to have, I will not. So many memories that I wanted YOU to have!

Brian Wilson concludes that "it won't last forever" - I think he meant being a child, a teen will end; we all eventually grow up to be adults. Yes, adolescence does not last forever - for most! I am thankful I saw you transition to be a man. Although your time as a man did not last forever on earth (it never will!), it will last forever in our Father's House. In that House, there are many rooms and Jesus went to prepare a place for us there. If He went to prepare a place, he will call us to Himself so that where He is, we will also be. He came and called you too early in my book, but when He called you, you were a man - a man of God - a man I am proud to call my son.

I love you "e" and miss you everyday.

Dad