Inked

Ian,

Family traditions...everyone has them; we have many of them. Family midnight movies, Christmas ornaments, family meal night, "High, Low's", "The Grinch" movie while putting up the tree, silly nicknames for each other, and on and on. Why? I think it is because repetition cements in our mind memories, relationships, and events. We are always on each other's mind and we never forget each other as time passes. I reflect on memories and pictures around these traditions, especially as the holidays accelerate toward us once again. I can't help thinking of you. 

I think of you
I haven't slept
I think I do
But I don't forget
My body moves
Goes where I will
But though I try my heart stays still
It never moves
Just won't be left
And so my mouth waters to be a fate
And you're always in my head

One family tradition that we started, that you never joined, is the family tattoo. Danny started it - asking on his 19th birthday for me to share a tattoo with him. That was a tough decision - growing up in conservative Texas - tattoos were viewed as questionable at best, sin at worst. However, as I prayed about it, God showed me that He has a tattoo: 

But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me,
    the Lord has forgotten me.”

 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
    and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
    I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
    your walls are ever before me. (Isaiah 49:14-16)

Israel thought that God had forgotten them as they sat in exile. God's answer to their complaint was clear and a bit surprising - a mother may forget her baby, even a baby at her breast, but God would never forget His people. He engraved them; He had tattooed them on the palms of His hands - His children were never out of His sight, always in His head.

So I learned that sharing a tattoo with our children was an act of love -  walking as God did - keeping our children always on our minds, praying for them, communicating with them, being there for them. So, Danny and I share a Calvin and Hobbs tattoo (reminding us of our relational "roles" illustrated by his favorite cartoon). Indeed, we can never forget each other for we are engraved in each other's skin. 

Tattoos became a family tradition as Mom and Caylea shared a shoulder tattoo - inked at our then family tattoo parlor Southside Tattoo on Congress Ave. You were up next to continue the tradition. You always liked the piercing stuff - three earrings per ear at one time - you doing most of the piercings yourself! You were to suggest the tattoo; we were going to agree; then we would share a single tattoo as a family. But you would never decide on a tattoo. When you did discuss one, it was a nebulous thought of a fruit tree over the seasons with live and dead fruit. Hard to figure out (liked to the fruit of the spirit and bearing fruit for God), but none of the rest of us wanted a fruit tree inked on us. So, we sent you back to the drawing board and you would never come up with another idea.

Got a tattoo, said "together thru life"

Carved in your name with my pocket knife

And you wonder when you wake up will it be alright

Feels like there's something broken inside

After you went Home, Mom was the first to ink you into her skin. The delicate cross with "e" on her wrist is simple, but breathtaking.  Caylea and Danny follow up with their own versions - moving from Southside to True Blu and CRTNZ. Danny desiged a work of art with a friend taking your idea of a tree through the seasons and combining it with him throwing you a disc and you laying out to catch it separated by the tree trunk. Caylea, Mom and CRTNZ designed Caylea a dove carrying a dove off a flower with four other flowers, each with five petals, carried in the wind. Mom and my flowers have lost a petal blowing separately in the swirling air. We lost more than what any symbol can recognize!

All I know   

All I know  

 Is that I'm lost   

In your fire below 

All I know  

 Is that I love you so   

So much that it hurts

My turn. We shared many things, sports, food, restaurants, laughs, movies, but mostly music. What to share in ink? I wanted a way to share the "guitarist Psalm" and your bass in some way. Mom and CRTNZ designed a beautiful picture. Taking the shape of the amazing picture of you with your bass, they replaced you with a cross (matching the style of the cross on Mom's wrist) and hanging your MusicMan on it with Psalms 43 behind in Mom's wonderful handwriting.

Got a tattoo and the pain's alright   

Just want a way of keeping you inside

Gotta say, the pain was good. In some way the pain was a catharsis - channeling emotional pain into skin. CRTNZ reproduced guitar - looks just like the MusicMan: the strap, the pickguard, the whole bass - I feel like you are always with me. Your MusicMan, that gift that left you in tears of joy, the bass you played around the house, at church, in clubs, away at A&M, is always with me. 

The verse is one we shared, discussed and agreed as the "guitarist Psalm." It expressed why we play, why we played in Kids, why we wanted to keep playing. It was the prayer we shared to approach our God, dwell with Him, offer our best to Him.

Send out your light and your truth;
    let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
    and to your dwelling!
Then I will go to the altar of God,
    to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
    O God, my God. (Psalms 43:3-4)

I realize that God was preparing me, preparing us for this most painful transition. He did lead you into the place where He dwells, to live with Him, to abide in Him. No doubt you are busy playing and praising our God now. But, I miss you.

I see the road begin to climb 

I see your stars begin to shine 

I see your colours and I'm dying of thirst 

All I know   

Is that I love you so 

So much that it hurts

I am inked. I bear you in my skin. All I know, you are not forgotten, not forsaken; Your walls are ever before me. You dwell with our God, our exceeding joy. I think of you always...

And you're always in my head 

 ...

All I know

Is that I love you so

So much that it hurts

Love you "E",

Dad

Credits:

Coldplay "Always in My Head"

Coldplay "Ink"