Lucy's Home!!!

Ian,

Remember coming home March 8th last year? Mom and Caylea had been searching for a dog for more than a week - introduce the "get a pet" into the conversation and they were all over the internet. Soon, the idea was cemented - an Aussie like Indy, only miniature. After reviewing pics of tri's, blue's and red's  - it was quickly settled, find a red merle puppy! You and I only had the power to agree, for once your sister was clear on the goal - puppy pics were flying to Mom's computer and a breeder was quickly identified with her last puppy - a red merle a little more than 3 mos old - interestingly born 11/28/12 (You and Mom continue the monthly "28" tradition in December and January!). Caylea was unable to see the puppy on a Friday night, but you traveled back from College Station to visit that weekend and to drive with us down 290 to meet the breeder at a Sonic. Once there, you and I approached her car and she revealed - Lucy!! It was love at first sight. You immediately picked her up, helped her walk around in the sparse grace at the edge of the parking area, and convinced us that this was THE dog we needed to have as a family. Hard to say "no" to your broad smile, your heartfelt giggles and laughs as Lucy won our hearts! You posed with Lucy for her first picture as a member of the family. Your beard and her fur - pretty close match in color! You loved playing with her each time you visited home. She grew up quickly. Mom and Caylea pose with her on the UT campus as a little older puppy - she is so cute.

Lucy really misses you - I know it. She really feels the hole your "going Home" left in our family. She was with Caylea when she heard the awful news. Since that moment, she has sought to heal our hearts with her presence, nearly constant licking and close attention - especially to Mom. Lucy is very sensitive - feels our pain as we weep, tries to make things better however she can and has been struggling to control her feelings and "be her own dog." One day this Summer, Mom and I needed emotional relief and stopped by Austin Pet's Alive to pet puppies. What can make you feel better than petting puppies - right? We soon were drawn to Lucy's sister, Roxea - a black Boarder Collie mix. It took Caylea only a minute to see that she was her dog! Roxea is so sweet, so fun to play and watch, and so energetic. Although fun, Roxea ended up being another stress-er in Lucy's life. A testament to the struggle Lucy was having without you - a great puppy becoming a stress-er.  Well Roxea moved with Caylea to Houston and has proven to grow in energy and creativity - she ate parts of  Caylea's new apartment - Bummer! So, we put her and Lucy into the Austin Dog School - Roxea to learn basic commands and Lucy to gain independence, confidence and "be her own dog."

Lucy was gone for two weeks! We were thrilled to have her come home! We really missed her and have really enjoyed walking, petting and being with her since she is back. I can imagine your excitement to see see Lucy, more confident, more obedient, more fun and more grown up. Look at how confident she looks up at the camera - our pretty girl!!! It is has been great having her home. Roxea is back home too - but with Caylea. She is more fun, more bouncing (and coordinated) and obedient than ever.

Couldn't help but really struggle this last week - Lucy is home; you are not - well, at our home. I keep thinking you are at A&M, thinking you are hanging with friends, thinking I will see the "Hulk" Honda in our driveway any day. I wanted to talk about the SuperBowl Halftime show with you - Bruno Mars was very cool, great pacing of songs and the build up to the the Chili Peppers landing on stage was brilliant (to quote Arther on "Cabin Pressure")! The Peppers were indeed hot! and you would have loved the groove Flea laid down to "Give it Away." It was a highlight to an overall runaway game. The real SuperBowl was the Seahawks versus your 49'ers two weeks ago. Almost...that will be THE rivalry for the next few years in the NFL. I remember the walks we would take with Indy and Charlie - around our neighborhood, through the park. I want to show off Lucy to you. I know you are so proud of her. She is confident and she is fun. It is so hard to have Lucy home and not have you home too. But, I must remember that you ARE Home - in our Father's House, not ours. I am very jealous of Him having all of you and your time - and a bit pissed off with that arrangement too.

You would think that I would be getting used to your new living conditions - Home, not home - but I really only miss you more every passing day. I miss your texts, your calls, throwing the Frisbee with you, receiving your musical hints, being corrected in the weight room, having encouragement to run (I finally listened - I ran 3 miles and walked 3 more Saturday!), seeing your big smile, hearing your belly laugh and throaty giggle, feeling your bear hugs, teasing you about your big unruly hair, talking about school, dreams, your latest obsession, visiting with you and your friends on a weekend, griping at you to check your car oil, seeing you order a HUGE order of chicken nuggets after seeing a McDonald's commercial during the Olympics, listening to you play the bass, and it goes on and on. It is so hard to see Bessie alone, see your Music Man silent, your room unoccupied. I know that Mom and I are just flat brokenhearted. I know Danny and Caylea miss you more deeply than ever. Again, it is hard to have Lucy come home and not have you come home!

Jesus spoke of your new Home as Heaven, Paradise and My Father's House. I try to imagine Jesus telling me: “Your heart must not be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me. In My Father’s House are many dwelling places; if not, I would have told you. I am going away to prepare a place for you. If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also...I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through Me." (John 14:1-6) I have struggled with my heart being troubled lately, missing you, fearful of more time passing without you with us. Similar to the Lego Movie's theme, I must BELIEVE (and this is not just a cat poster statement) - but not just believe, but believe in Jesus - He is our life. Believe that what I do not see is more real than what I do see; believe that our sufferings on earth are "light and momentary" compared with the glory you have entered in and we will soon follow; believe that you are fine, at Home in our Father's House; believe that we can put one foot in front of the other and survive, maybe one day thrive; believe that Jesus will come soon to reunite our family together; believe in the hero's "Well Done!" that went up as you opened that front door entering our Father's House.

I do believe; I do trust Jesus. I guess that I am learning that faith and great sadness can co-exist. That I can believe and remain brokenhearted. Every thing, every experiencee makes me miss you more. I do not see this changing. A Grief Share email reminded me:

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." (2 Cor. 4: 16-18).

I guess that is it - must not give up for we have a hope that outweighs our pain. We must believe and embrace the reality that sadness, a broken heart - these are real, but these are not forever. We have a blessed hope in Jesus. A mysterious glory awaits us that will wipe away our tears, make our pain make sense and replace sadness with joy and praise. This glory will last longer than your bass soloing, than sharing a movie, lifting weights, than weekend at A&M, than even a lifetime with you. This glory will be an eternity that we share together with Jesus. Maybe we can "play football" as Audio A sang in our "Father's House" - actually, I just want to toss the disc with you- I miss that. You know this glory, I want to know it too.

So, Lucy is home; you are Home. I am not not. I am in still in transition. That is probably why life simply does not fit; why it is so incomplete without our whole; why life is such an intermingled mess of joy, sadness, hope and tears. I will look toward our hope in Jesus, the hope we share with you, and choose to believe.

Ian - I love you; I miss you.

Dad