Pet Shop Boy

Ian,

You were always a dog person, but you did more than just tolerate the cats! I will keep working on the stories behind these pictures, but I just enjoyed looking at pictures of you and pets. Will need to find some shots with you and Amelia and introduce you to Maron.

I look forward to sharing more stories about our current set of dogs with you.

Love you "e"

Dad

With Johnny B. Goode - He was with you most of your life from Maryland, to California to Austin. You loved Johnny - he was family:

With Amelia Earhart:

After Jack Skellington went to live with Granny - he really wanted to mark over all your adolescent smells leaving his "mark" on your black foldable chairs, clothing and eventually bed, we looked for a new cat. We went to the Austin APA on 183 access road near I-35, and saw several scared but pretty kitties. Then we met Amelia Earhart - a tortoise shell cat - who was so friendly and loving. You connected immediately and chose her. I don't have photos with you and Amelia - but you loved her very much. You guys would snuggle as you watched movies - and fell asleep. She would try to sleep with you - but her snuggling really interrupted your sleep and that had to stop. She is our "senior kitty" but still as loving and cuddly.

Here is Amelia with Louie and Chili Pepper - see below:

With Lucille Ball (Lucy) - you helped choose her,  went with mom and I to pick her up and you really loved her. You bugged us constantly after Indy passed that we needed to get a new dog. I should yielded to this request much earlier so you could enjoy her more. Lucy absorbed all our stress and saddness after you went Home and we needed to relocate her to a new home. We received a movie of Lucy playing basketball with the elementary age son of this home. Reminded mom and I of you and Indy together. She is very happy there!

With Caylea's Louie - he would ride on your shoulders like a parrot!! Caylea got Louie after she put together a very attractive "business plan" to get and support a cat!

With Benny and Joon - Lots of cuddling and love of this brother and sister!

With Louie the V - He is also known as "Joseph" the favored one who has the coat of many colors. You loved petting him and enjoying his beautiful fur and tail. You, Caylea and Carisa would enjoy comparing Louie with other kitties for looks, level of spoiling, etc.

With Indy - so many stories. You and Indy were buddies. He kept you company as Louie learned to open doors and freaked you out - thinking someone had broken into our Trillick Ct. house. You and Indy played basketball outside in the court until mom and I got home from Sacramento. That is just one of many stories in Cali, traveling to Texas and in Austin. Once in Austin, we enjoyed Indy "playing" basketball with us in the driveway. He would hang out in the grass, smell, walk and lay watching us play. We would walk Indy around the neighborhood or the Great Hills Park. We loved to see him smell, walk and explore. It was there we took Indy on his last walk around the neighborhood with Charlie before he went for his final walk at Granny and Papa's. He was a true friend.

With Indy, Charlie and Shelby - dogs providing further cement between our family and the Mundells. I still remember how excited Shelby was to come to Austin to visit Indy and Charlie. 

Our family with Indy and Charlie - Caylea basically picked Indy - putting her blanket on him as he fell asleep near our window after he led the "play" of the puppies. But you picked out Charlie. You and I went to the breeder to find a new dog - a Jack Russell Terrier. You picked Charlie as a little white puppy with small brown spots. He grew up to be a beloved pet that we enjoyed walking, running around the yard and playing with other dogs. We loved to turn him on his back and would shake him - he would snarl and growl in the rhythm that we shake him. He was so funny! Charlie kept Danny company in Cali when we moved to Austin. We eventually re-homed him in Austin as Indy got used to being "the dog." The little girl and her mom LOVED Charlie. You were sad to see him leave, but supported this hard decision.

With Harley Davidson - the guinea pig who lived in your room and you played with in the backyard. He was your "choice" of a new and special pet. You loved to take him into the backyard and let him wonder around and snack on our grass.

I don't have pics with Little Miss - our tortoise, or Caylea's short-lived rat pet.

I must mention Reveille  - who you met at TAMU. Not sure the number of times, or depth of the relatiohnship, but there it is...

New dogs 

I wish you could get to know them - you would love them so much:

Roxea

Red Hot Chili Pepper

Tristan Thorn

Bubba Fett

Samwise Gamgee - Sam

With Emily, and still growing

Maron - the kitty:

Raphael or Raff - sewer cat named after Danny's favorite Mutant Ninja Turtle:

Hey There Delilah - the "pink lady" - named after the first song you taught me on the guitar

All together as a family

A few pics of dogs hanging out

Visting MJ&PG:

The Book Thief

Ian,

It is rumored that this was your favorite book. Indeed, you gifted a copy to Mom for Christmas - I think. I have known this fact for more than six years but could not bring myself to read the book. Honestly, I was afraid. Words, especially narratives, unveil a soul. After you were taken Home - I felt "unveiled" enough.

But I finished the book today - actually, I listened to the audiobook. The narration was vivid and engaging as Death tells this story through minimal prose. The text, yes the text, was very special. I can understand why this was your favorite book.

What draws one to this beautifully tragic story of Liesel Meminger, a young German girl in Nazi Germany? Why does the story linger on your soul as the smell of cigarette smoke or sweet flowers? Why does it leave you thinking and recounting events in your own life? I think it is because everyone experiences loss and everyone wants to live. A good life appears to be successfully lived, and lived deeply, in the midst of both experiences - not in avoidance. Tragedy and death will find us all - in some cases more than once.

Duden Dictionary definition: joy (n): not a good or uplifted feeling based on circumstances, situations, people or "happenings" - differentiating it from happiness - but a feeling that erupts and endures from deep delight in anticipation or acquisition of something or someone of lasting value.

I see so much of you in Rudy Steiner. Rudy is the perfect personification of an adolescent boy full of bluster, dreams, anger, and stretching, yet sensitive, caring and loving towards friends, family and strangers. You were barely out of adolescence when taken from us - imperfect, but beloved. So much you and Rudy shared - both had lives cut short, obvious potential lost, hopes left unfulfilled, love left not fully reciprocated, physical prowess betrayed. How do you watch someone like this be taken away so early?

"Rudy?" "Wake up Rudy!" and now, as the sky went on heating and showering ash, Liesel was holding Rudy Steiner's shirt by the front. "Rudy, please." The tears grappled with her face. Rudy, please, wake up, Goddamn it, wake up, I love you. Come on, Rudy, come on, Jesse Owens, don't you know I love you, wake up, wake up, wake up..." ... But the boy did not wake. In disbelief, Liesel buried her head into Rudy's chest...She did not say goodbye. She was incapable, and after a few more minutes at his side, she was able to tear herself from the ground. It amazes me what humans can do, even when streams are flowing down their faces and they stagger on, coughing and searching and finding.

I remember grief this gripping, this unconsolable, mingling memory with hope, with regret, with loss. This is life. This is pain.

I see in the book of the greatness of parents, of love, of home. The depths of being accepted into a family, to be cherished, to be understood, to be allowed to "become," to have place - this is a home. Parents accept their children into a family - but there must be reciprocation by the children for a real home to be found. This is how you loved Mom, Danny, Caylea, family, friends. You found "home" everywhere you went for your love was offered and accepted. How do you grieve such a loss of such a loving one?

...from the minute I witnessed her face again, I could tell that this was who she loved most. Her expression stroked the man on his face. It followed one of the lines down his cheek...She removed the injured instrument [the accordion] and laid it next to Papa's body. "Here, Papa." ...Keep playing Papa...there was only a body now, on the ground, and Liesel lifted him up and hugged him. She wept over the shoulder of Hans Hubermann. Goodbye, Papa, you saved me. You taught me to read. No one can play like you. I'll never drink champagne. No one can play like you...The book thief wept till she was gently taken away.

So why do I blog?

Much like Death who narrates the book, I feel that I must tell a story. I must tell a story of one who loved me, who inspired me, who left too early. I do not want his story to be forgotten. I tell the stories so our family, his friends, so that I, do not forget. Like the Book Thief, I must write to remember; I must remember to live. I want to give voice to the past and breath out to the future. Hey, no one may ever read this or anything I write - but - it feels good to talk with you, Ian, and know that memories are preserved somewhere outside my brain.

Remembering gives life, but it also kills something in you - deep down. When the cuts go deep, words are powerful things. I understand a bit why Liesel ended her book with:

I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.

Thank you Ian for introducing me to such a powerful story, such a self-revealing experience. It is good to grief for what is precious and what is lost. When I die, I want to do so as Papa, sitting up, erect and waiting to meet death with a light soul, emptied of self, given to others. You died this way - you went Home unafraid, complete and ready. Sounds a bit like Paul:

I know who I have believed and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day...I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing. 2 Timothy

I miss you Ian more than ever. I long for His appearing. Thank you for sharing with me so much. Thank you for listening.

Love you "e"

Dad

Almost...Famous

Ian,

Music was a key touchstone for you and I. We shared it with movies, like Almost Famous, as a family with musicals, like Moulin Rouge, Across the Universe and also our iPods/iPhones. Interestingly, you and I shared music through our love for the physical object - the CD or to a lesser extent, the vinyl. The CD provided something tangible - not just album art, but lyric sheets, linear notes, the whole deal communicating to us what the artist was saying. 

Almost Famous - you were the only one of the kids that I really could sit down and watch this more than once. Danny and Caylea humored me, but you and I saw ourselves following a band, listening and letting music just carry you away. 

I still remember the first time we heard "Magic Bus" from Live at Leeds opening Jerry McGuire - when you first watched it. See you respond to the build, the fit and energy reminded me how powerful music could be to animate a movie. You and I agreed - that was the best intro of any movie we saw.

As Morrissey said, "stop me if I think you heard this one before..." but hope you enjoy this trip down memory lane.

Decemberists - the Crane Wife

This was the first concert we say in Austin as a family. Danny came to town and we joined at Stubbs to watch this sophisticated folk/rock music. It was one of the first CD's we bought and burned on the old iMac in the kitchen. You used to put this on before breakfast most mornings in Jr. High.

Tyron Wells - Close: Live at McClain's

We first heard Tyron as part of a band in California for our Jr. High Camp. I don't remember much about this, but we heard him at Riverbend Church and were blown away. This album was played often in Mom's Mini Cooper - especially "Tyron Yodels" - as we laughed about the scene painted and his odd song. We later saw him live again and we collected many of his CD's - his alt-acoustic sound really appealed to our family.

Goo Goo Dolls Greatest Hits

Okay, over all of high school and even during college, if you saw this CD in my car - it was "pop it in." Love to listen to the Goo's.

Stevie Wonder - Songs in the Key of Life

Stevie played your favorite concert ever - at ACL. You could never stop talking about it. He became your favorite artist - a common thread for you - favorites followed your last big experience. I own "Songs" and it reminds me of you every time I see or hear it. "Isn't She Lovely" is the way I felt about all of my kids as they were born, grew up and are today.

Across the Universe - Soundtrack

You LOVED this movie with its ability to weave a broader story through the Beatles' greatest hits. Even the weird parts with Bono were okay with you. For a time, this soundtrack outplayed the Beatles in our house - yikes! Don't worry, we went back to the well!

Todd Agnew - A Day of Glory Austin Stone Church

We were in the St. John's Campus that Christmas Eve service when Todd came out with no shoes, sat down at the piano and played Hallelujah, What a Savior. It was caught on tape and ended up on the Austin Stone Christmas CD. Todd was always your Mom's favorite artist. I still think I hear your voice in the chorus as everyone rose together in praise to God during this song.

Wicked - Soundtrack

This was the play we saw together at UT - it was Broadway in Austin and we sat on the far right balcony hanging over the first floor. You loved the story, the songs and the action - as did we all. What a special night and play to experience as a family. Later, Mom, Caylea and I read the book - not as good as the play by a long shot!

The Black Keys - Attack and Release

Our intro to the Keys - we loved listening to these songs working out, hanging in your room and playing guitar and bass together. The fuzz tone was rootsy and you loved it. I still remember sitting on your bed playing "I've Got Mine" as you played bass. Some of the best times of my life.

The Who- the Kids are Alright

Almost Famous - Soundtrack

Jerry McGuire - Soundtrack

The start to Jerry McGuire is too good with Magic Bus from Live at Leeds building. No better rock and roll intro. Almost Famous reminded us to "Listen to ‘Tommy' with a candle burning and you'll see your entire future.’ The Kids are Alright - yep, just too many good songs here, but this CD and movie introduced you to Thunder fingers - John Entwistle. The track on the DVD with only the bass part was your favorite - how Won't Get Fooled Again just rocked!!! Inspired me in Jr. High. Inspired you in Jr. High - just more connections.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium

What do I say about the RHCP's? They were your fav. We listened from Greatest Hits backwards to Mother's Milk, forward to Stadium. These CD's spanned California, Texas, home, school, family, friends. I imagine everyone has a RHCP memory with Ian! The biggest one was seeing you play shirt off at the old Mohawk (I think) playing the bass like Flea in a metal band. Yep, those were good times.

Kings of Leon - Only by the Night

Hearing you sing "My Sex is on Fire!" for probably 3 months. No more comment required.

Shinedown - Sound of Madness

This was an awesome gift you gave me. I still enjoy this CD and we shared these songs together all the time. I still love Devour, the Crow and Butterfly, and the title track. Zach Myers' guitar work is fantastic.

Michael Jackson - This is It

The man, the myth the legend. Another gift. Oh how I wish we sat and listened to this together and tell stories from my high school days when Michael J would release new music and we would request the songs to "air guitar" in Men's Choir!

Movie Soundtracks: Juno, 500 Days of Summer, Siiver Linings Playbook

You loved these movies. You loved the artsy songs on each. Andrew, you and I watched Silver Linings Playbook together - it was the last movie we say together. Still precious memories. 

Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe

This was your first, and probably most enduring "favorite" album. We helped Switchfoot play at our Jr. High Conference - right before the album launched, before Walk to Remember - and we came to love their music. It started at Spirit West Coast seeing them play "A New Way to be Human" and has not ended. But Learning to Breathe was a touchstone. The signed album flyer was one of your most prized possessions. It is one of our ours now.

Gifts I wish that I shared with you: 

    Fleet Foxes - Helpless Blues

    Junip - Fields

You gave me these CD's the Christmas of 2012. I did not "jump" to listen to them when you were here - nor did I share with you. I am sad when I see these. I regret not listening to them with you. I struggle to listen to them without you.

Last Listens:

    Death Cab for Cutie - Plans

    The Head and the Heart

    Cage the Elephant - Thank you, Happy Birthday

    Vampire Weekend, Vampires for the City

I think these CDs were in your possession or certainly on you iPhone when you went Home. I miss sharing this great music with you. The covers just remind me of the music we shared.

(Thanks Melissa and Bruce for the great pic on the history of alternative rock)

Musical stories I wish we could share:

The link of Free music, specifically "Be My Friend" live at Isle of Wright, to "Love Comes and Goes" and "Fever Dog" in the Almost Famous. So much to share and play together here.

The overdubbing and build up of Cure songs - I want to record these songs with you, "Just Like Heaven", "All I Want", "Hot, Hot, Hot" and others.

The great guitar work of Mick Ronson, melodic baselines of Trevor Bolder, the beat of Woody Woodmansey and the creativity and voice of David Bowie on the "Hunky Dory", "The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars" and "Aladdin Sane." We would love the Ziggy world together. 

I would share more of the Jam, with their terrific three piece attack and unmatched bass lines. I would work with you to play, "In the City", "Modern World", "That's Entertainment", and others.

Finally, we would talk about the origins of BritPop - Oasis, the Blur, Verve and others - the Beatles, the Kinks, or who?? (the Who??) Yes, we would play "End of the Day" and "Waterloo Sunset" together.

Yes, CD's bring back memories and your were a great listener and player of music. You were "Almost Famous" with Little Emily Warfield - just close to a contract, possible album, tour, other. It was not to be - but I enjoyed watching my son do what I could not do - play new, original music in front of people. I enjoy telling "Ian Stories" and enjoy playing with you still, looking to my left as at the Stone, and hearing your rumbling bass lines.

So proud of you. I miss you so much "e."

Love, 

Dad

Might As Well - JUMP! JUMP!!!

Ian,

I walk around our house, our yard or other places we frequented and it is amazing how often I remember you just jumping - into my arms, over couches, trashcans, to catch Frisbees, defend a soccer goal, to try to dunk a basketball. These events roll like mini-movies in my head as I look at our driveway, street, the living room.

I regaled to you as a kid the stories of my friend Greg Giddings - who at 6'1" could dunk like no other. His method of learning to jump was, as a kid, to touch the ceiling of his house with his fingers, then hand, then elbow before graduating to jumping over his car. These stories filled our conversations. Ultimately, you loved the idea of jumping. The freedom from gravity, the accomplishment of conquering an obstacle, the challenge to land on your feet.

Our ceilings did not allow finger tip touches - too high - but you used the basketball goal Granny and PaPa gave you to "stretch" your jump. We started at 8' goal when you were in 7th grade and gradually raised it to 10'. Dunk contests filled evenings and weekends with friends. The basket was usually set to 9' - and the latest dunks from NBA games, dunk contests on TV were converted into our driveway experiences. You invited me to join - and I learned quickly that coordination was required to dunk, not just vertical. I never could touch the rim of a 10' goal - only the last knot on the net. So, my "hops" were not great and my coordination was worse. Tomahawks, 180's, etc. were not possible for me - but were well within your reach.

I don't have pictures or videos of you dunking. This makes me very sad. The rumor from two different friends - one set in Austin and the other in College Station - is that you dunked the basketball on a 10' goal twice - once in each place. Oh how I would have loved to watch you accomplish a lifetime goal. From 7th grade you wanted to be a NBA player. Stopping growing at 5'7" really reduced that probability. So, dunking became that surrogate goal. I am thankful you reached it. I can only imagine the smile you had when you landed, the giggle, and the hugs that followed. That is a memory I wish that I could share.

Ultimate became another "jumping outlet." After three concussions in football, you needed a new sport. Your speed and jumping ability made your "go long" potential very high. I remember clearly seeing the disc just hang in the goal region and your hand rise up, seemingly in slow motion, just above the outstretched arm of the defender. The disc would be torn from the air into your clutches and a goal was scored! The converse happened as well - your hand rising to knock the opponents disc down out of play. The surprise on opponents faces - no short kid should be able to jump that high! The challenge to cover you - speed and jumping ability - was great.

I remember the most epic jump. In the middle of a tight Ultimate match, the disc was lofted above the defenders reach in the goal area. You laid out - backwards - to catch the disc with both hands on extended arms. Again, like slow motion we watched you fall and land on your rump, then your head snapped back to hit the ground with a thud. You held on to the disc, scored the goal, but sustained yet another concussion. Really? In Ultimate?

Soccer was another place we saw you jump - maybe that is why you wanted to play goalie?!?

You loved to punch the approaching ball out of the goal with outstretched arm, or catch it and disappoint an attacher. Goalies jump. Ian was a goalie. Ian jumped. I guess that is the way it was...

Outside our house, you would ask me to throw the disc for you to jump and grab it - running, standing still, laying out, etc. Yep, it was great fun to watch my beautiful, athletic son act as though he had glue to his fingers. No disc could not be tracked down or caught some days. The most challenging throws and catches were as you ran up the steep driveway and up the stairs to the front door. My job was to lob the disc so you had to leap and catch it either going up the stairs or arriving on the top stair. That rarely happened - my throws were just not that good. But the camaraderie, the smiles, the giggles and hugs when it worked were worth all the frustration.

Trash cans - when I first heard you jumped over our big orange trash can I was scared for you. Are you trying to break your neck? It was >4'6" tall and 3' long. Of course, for years you would come in the front door and leap over the brown couch. Or make your exit from the house epic by reversing the order. But the trashcan was very tall and the effect was pretty cool. Mom was very impressed - and loved watching you do either. We both prayed you would not catch a toe and fall over!

On our last weekend with you, Parent's Weekend 6 years ago, you told us on Saturday night that you were too tired to stay up and  wanted to go to bed. So, we dropped him off at the dorm and headed back to our B&B in College Station. Apparently you walked in and saw your friends in Moses Dorm and said to Brenden, “Are you thinking what I am thinking?” – together you said “Trashcans!” The Dorm crew stripped a room of mattresses (two friends who happened to be out that evening) and set up a long jump environment in the hall with trashcans to leap over. The video of you running, leaping four trashcans and landing in the fifth can, toppling link a bowling pin falling in the mattresses hair flopping, smile exploding on your face with a “WhooHoo!!!” The video is an amazing gift for us to have! You told Mom it gave new meaning to "taking out the trash."

I think that you loved jumping so much because of the rush of freedom, breaking gravity's hold - if even for an instant. Seeing your hair rise and fall as you lifted up and then come tumbling down with you - I will never forget it in front of our house, in our street, on Aggie field, around our trashcan or in our living room.

April 19th - is a hard day. You were ripped from our lives, not as one tears paper along a fold of a page, but as one tears many papers, each representing a future day of life, from a spiral notebook, leaving a mess of ragged, disoriented edges. You just cannot put that back together as it was. I have been tempted to jump on, off, or out of many things since you went Home. I guess that I have learned that the gravity-less-ness of the jump is always accompanied by the grip of reality and a driving me back to the reality of this world.

You jumping is a part of Danny's memory of you. He envisions you guys - still playing Ultimate with each other - and you laying out to catch the disc he has thrown. This is on his body - no doubt each day - he remembers, wishes to play again, and is thankful for the times he shared with his little brother. But as his tattoo shows - there is a barrier that separates us now. We feel this distance, the loss, the lack of sharing in real-time, the presence of only memory.

One day, it is our hope, that gravity will not grip your feet - my feet, our feet - any longer. That according the the Lord's own words,

...the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 1 Thess. 4

I cannot wait to "jump" with you at the end of days and be "caught up together" with you in the air. I will join you as gravity gives way to grace, time to eternity, pain to joy, and incomplete to completion, alone to with the King. Paul is right that we should "encourage one another with these words."

Till then I still remember you jumping.

I love you "e,"

Dad