The Times They Are A-Changin' - Our Life in Graffiti

Ian,

We went through a Dylan phase when you were in Jr. High at Brentwood. During these days before Caylea drove, I would take you two to school since the trek up and down Braker Ln. took me by my UT office. Mom's office at UT the ACC was out of the way. The three of us would share music, study for tests and generally have conversation all the way to school each morning. If I could freeze time, one spot in my life would be in that car with the two of you engaged in a passionate debate about who knows what.

In my quest to introduce both of you to the world's best music - as I did with Danny - I bought a compilation of Dylan and shared it with you. I expected that the creeky voice, acoustic guitar and lack of traditional pop hooks may not "reach" you. But I was wrong. You loved the songs, especially "The Hurricane". The stories and compelling rhythms got to you, but the passion hooked you. With all the musical universe at our disposal, for weeks on end we listened to Dylan.

I had never been a Dylan fan per say before these rides - but Bob got to me too. Indeed the Bob's - Marley and Dylan - were our favs then. Dylan sang about heavy issues, social justice, broken relationships, truth and especially time. Three songs stuck out "The Times They Are A-Changin' ", "Forever Young" and "Turn, Turn, Turn".

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
Eccl. 3:1-11 and Dylan's song lyrics

When your kids are in Jr High and High school, you see times change quickly, things turn from one interest or crisis to another, and you desperately want them to stay forever young. As I said. singing songs, debating music and sharing life in the car - I would give the world to repeat just one trip. 

But life is defined by change. Nothing stays the same. This change is the only constant. During High School, you introduced us to the Hope Outdoor Gallery or Castle Hill as it is affectionately called after the castle building at the summit. This unfinished building site became a place for top and novice graffiti artists to leave their mark in our fair city. But no matter how good or bad the art, it would not last more than two weeks. An amazing piece would be ruined by idiots spraying their name poorly over it, or dumping paint on the wall in drunken fun. In the place of the mess, a new new image would be left by an artist. It is a world of temporary masterpieces- an apt metaphor for our lives. Our fondest memories last but a moment, perfect days sink to night and the years overcome us all. Everything turns, turns, turns.

(Note the changes to the "window structure" in the park in the pictures distributed throughout the post.)

Breca Tracy took senior pictures of you among the graffiti art. It was the first time I saw the Gallery. I was hooked. I kept returning to capture pictures. I recorded lectures there. I showed the family pictures till they were sick of it. The regular transformation of the hill reminded me of Dylan with all his musical phases, his chameleon-like appearance changes and how life never stayed the same. My idiocy or the nature of life would spray paint streams on our lives ruining our masterpieces. But the Gallery held hope - new art could come again and cover the ugly.

Sadly, the Gallery is moving and the place that has been such a touchstone for you and I is going away this Spring - all in the name of progress. Once again, the Gallery shows the nature of change as now it will be destroyed and replaced.

Change. I have thought so much about this reality since you went home. How I long for that change to not occur! How I wish the change I now live in would promptly end!

So many scenes that were beautiful, just to stop them and dwell there longer - sleeping with you as a baby, you wearing the jacket, playing with Lego people, friends over, throwing you into the pool for the first time, basketball, frisbee, riding in the car with your music on, visiting you at school, doing our own graffiti in your room,  watching you best and fall asleep while we watched a family movie, hanging with you on the TAMU campus - these and so many more were masterpieces. Alas short lived and covered by time.

Our JAZZ graffiti wall in your room was painted over as shiny silver as you and Caylea switched rooms in High School and she came home to live from UT. Every time I see that wall I think of the joy under the silver. The wall was meant to be sports symbols, but we could not draw a circle - then you were inspired to infuse your other passion - music - to the composition. The JAZZ wall was born. I covered it well with j silver, multiple coats till it was hidden. Yet It is still there, covered by paint. I see it in my mind on every visit.

Relationships change. You and I still talk. Me more than you for once! I still hear you in my mind. I feel you are still close but just outside my grasp. Danny is so different now 27 months sober, in amazing shape, with strong relationships and we really click and share again. Good change. Caylea is my rock. We may have our moments but my girl and I stay close thankfully. Through all her growing up, added pets, working, living elsewhere we are still there together. Mom and I keep going through change - not always the good kind. MJ&PG are still with us - I mean walking with us as friends and family. But change is coming. Your friends are getting married - Terry this Summer - getting jobs, moving on. Good change for them. Hard change for me.

How do I deal with the change. When my masterpiece moments are covered by life's change - often marring in a frustrating or heartbreaking way? I am reminded that this is nothing new. The ancient Israelites sang:

In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands.
They will perish, but you remain;
they will all wear out like a garment.
Like clothing you will change them
and they will be discarded.
But you remain the same,
and your years will never end.
The children of your servants will live in your presence; their descendants will be established before you.” Psalms 102:25-28

Even the mountains change, the ocean changes. I am not the only one bound in change. Indeed change leaves me feeling like an old shirt, worn out and ready for discarding. I must lean on the eternal God - who promises to never change - amidst the ravages of time. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. Deut. 33:27. The old song says it well, "Leaning, leaning, I'm leaning on the everlasting arms."

I must preach to myself that God's constancy amid life's change is cause for hope.

For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For, "All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever.” And this is the word that was preached to you. 1 Peter 1:23-25

I either believe His word as true and lasting, allow His promises to steady my ship buffeted by the waves, and know that the change of this life will be overcome by the eternal change He promises. Indeed, it is this Jesus-brought change I most hope for - for I will see Him; I will see you again!

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed — in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Cor. 15:51-57

A long quote but did you catch that we will all be changed when He comes again? What was ravaged by change, what seems to be perishing, will be made imperishable by His grace. We will be imperishable as God says He is. The dead and Christ will appear bodily alive again in His presence. Your beautiful self I will see. Life changed in an instant - during your accident, but it will change again, even more quickly and definitively for the better one day.

I know what you would tell me now - "Dad, in that moment we will all be looking a Jesus not each other." You are correct. But I long to have another masterpiece moment with you. One that will never be covered by time, change or paint. I long for death to be swallowed in victory and usher in a new age together again.

So my hope is not in you, but I look forward to you joining me again and our broken family will be whole again. In the meantime, I must take Paul's advice and:

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Cor. 15:58

 I am flying back from India. I have invested my time, sweat and energy for a week with locals trying to build companies. I have talked to people about our hope in Jesus. I hope that I made a difference. I feel that this is the Lord's work. This work too would change. UT is always redefining priorities - it is only a matter of time when change will occur here as well.

I am thankful for quiet times to collect thoughts, talk with you in depth, and prepare to head back to the real world.

As the graffiti on Jo's Cafe says so well, I love you so much E,

Dad