You always had a knack for research and finding hidden value. But I honestly didn't believe it when you first told us. In the foodie city of Austin, when a group rated the top restaurants, Taco More sat near the top - bested only by 2 or 3 places that were >$100 a plate. Further, you said a person could get completely full at Taco More for $5! This sounded a bit too good to be true. Was it another exaggeration in the mind our teenage son? Such extrapolations of facts to fancy were fairly common during Ian's early high school days. Taco More is an unimpressive place, a thrown together restaurant in an old building with a covered patio to catch overflow traffic. Upon seeing it, my first thought was our favorite Mexican restaurant in Vacaville - we were often the only English speakers in the restaurant - including many of the servers who would take our orders by numbers and drink names. Loved that place, loved our family times there - I would try the new one.
Ian and his friends had ferreted out Taco More as a place apparently close enough for a quick lunch run during or snack after school. Getting tacos for $1.25 or so a piece fit into a high schooler budget. Understood those economics. But meriting to be named among the "best" in Austin - never! Well, Ian was emphatic in this assertion and convinced his Mom, sister and I to come along. We incredulously looked at the menu - it surprised me as it looked like a taco joint in Monterrey. Pastor, lengua, cabrito, and other more common names suggested the genuine articles and captured our curiosity. Ian showed us how to order. Lanette suggested we work to order in Spanish as we prepared for the El Salvador mission trip. That worked well for the three of them - not so much for me! Ian took the lead showing us the soup-like salsa, warm and flavorful, the chips and, to him, the most important part: the salsa bar (pictured above). He would whip up a concoction of two red and a green sauce that tasted good, but would remove paint from the wall. He always like hot and salty food. From a toddler liking salsa, to a teen passing up candy for chips and salsa. The taco's were served with Mexican Coke and we all were satisfied, yes even impressed. The flavors were rich and portions plentiful. Ian beamed! He was quick to show us the ticket - the family could eat for less than $15. We were instructed to leave a generous tip by Ian, as he told us of he and his friends habit here. Ian knew and respected the value of the server and their need for reward, learning first from his brother then directly as a barista at Starbucks. (Sometimes he had to be restrained from leaving extravagant tips for his budget even.)
Well that Spring and Summer as we prepared for El Salvador (the picture above shows Caylea and Ian "preparing" for the mission trip), returned from the mission trip, hosted Danny's visits - we were frequent customers. And it just continued as Danny moved to Austin and on through the years. Saturday's for brunch was our favorite time - we could catch up on each other's weekly activities, weekend plans, laugh at the funny things, complain, argue and be ourselves there. There was something very satisfying about the eating experience beyond good food and prices. I think it was that there was no pretension there: real food, real people served and ate with us, and real conversation flowed there. That was Ian - he sought real people, experiences and life. Nothing shallow.
Taco More saw Ian grow up - advance through physical relationships, focus on spiritual ones, move to want to serve God on mission, on the concert stage, in the college dorm. Taco More was an incubator for our family to interact, grow together, share and draw close. With Danny not living with us, it was a common gathering place - where interaction was the focus, not just food, not a screen or sporting event. The importance of the place was seen as an ever growing orbit of friends were invited to eat there - just as teens, or with the family. This was Ian's restaurant - his place of discovery and sharing.
Easter 2013 - The Stone was hosting a single Easter service at the Erwin Center - its third (pic above). Ian brought Brenda from College Station. They had grown very close and hung out with each other almost constantly that Spring. Lanette and I would hang out with them at Pot Belly, Maroon and White Game and working out at the Rec only a week or two later during Parent's Weekend. Lanette and Caylea trained and served with KidStuff at the Stone that Sunday. Since the girls were working with the kids and Danny was not attending that Sunday, it was Ian, Brenda and I attending the "big service." Brenda had come to Austin with Ian on more than one occasion, but always with the TAMU herd, and had attended the Stone. But seeing 12-15,000 people rocking for Jesus in the stadium was cool and powerful. I guess a big Breakaway event could match the size, but it was impressive to all of us. People there were serious about Jesus and sought him through the whole time there. Ian sang at the top of his lungs. I couldn't really hear in the chorus of voices, but knew it was a joyful noise. Hands raised, eyes closed, voice aloud and heart engaged - the boy knew how to worship his King. He also could not stop talking in the service! We talked about the number of people, the decibels, the worship songs, the message and the friendly people.
After the service, we met Lanette and Caylea outside the Center as they finished with the Kids. We discussed where to go and eat. Somehow, the topic of authentic Mexican food came up and Brenda clearly stated that she doubted Austin had anything "real" but thoroughly lived up to its Tex-Mex reputation. Brenda, being from the Border, was an expert. Ian took immediate exception. He promised that he could produce an authentic Mexican dining experience; we must only go to Taco More. So it was decided - meet at Taco More for the big test. We separated and Brenda asked me to take some pictures of the two of them. Ian wore his favorite shirt, the long sleeve reddish/maroon one, and they posed so that the State Capital was behind them. I snapped pictures that I treasure, remembering the smiles, the laughs and conversations that surrounded them.
We rode to Taco More in my car - Ian played DJ with a phone. I do not remember the songs. But think he was playing the new Indie bands he was gravitating towards on YouTube. We arrived. I think Brenda could see from the outside, this place was for real. We sat inside - very rare occurrence - but it was Easter and everyone was dressed nicely and the place was hopping. Mexican cokes, waters, and some other traditional drink were ordered along with tacos and a torta - for Brenda. Ian was quick to show the salsa bar. How proud he was to share his favorite place with his friend. How his face lit up as Brenda expounded on the virtues, the "authenticity" of the food and her surprise. Caylea and Brenda talked and enjoyed getting closer. Ian laughed, smiled, glowed and talked and talked and talked. How I wish I could remember the words. How I never want to forget that voice, that chuckle, the belly laugh. I remember his big, reddish, curly, bouncy hair. His scraggly red beard was a cool length. His build filled out that once large shirt on him and his thighs, those thighs that would donate so much life, bulged in his best pants that his Mom found him and got taken up to fit him so well. There he sat - our son, a mix of Nette and I, personality and features, and so much love enveloped him from family and friends. Vibrant life sat across from me. There was more to the trip than Taco More - visiting perhaps Zilker, Mt. Bonnell, other favorite places, shared with Brenda. The selfie pictures exude the vibrant life of Ian that fills all our minds and memories.
Couldn't go back to Taco More for over 6 months after April. Finally, Danny convinced me to go. Nette and Caylea have not been back since. It is still serves great food. But it is not the same. I now go to Taco More to be with my sons - Danny and Ian. I love to hear Danny order in Spanish, to talk of his favorite taco, to prepare HIS special sauce from the bar, to chat and just hear his voice and watch his features. Each time I go, I reflect on each previous visit to Taco More. The first one, ones with Ian and friends, ones with all five of us on a Saturday morning, the last one with Brenda. I hear Ian's ordering in stuttering Spanish, his laugh, his joy, his voice in my head. I feel not so alone there. It is sad, but it is joyful - an odd mingling. I think that is what grief really is. It is the collision of the joy of life, what we value, what we desire and dream, what we hope for crashing into what is missing, what goes unheard, unseen. It is memory and reality pressed together tightly, so tightly, that it hurts in your soul. Tears come at these moments - and why not? These are tears of memory and moving on, of thanksgiving and loss, of joy and sadness, of hope and despair all mingled together. As Nette has written much better than I, these are most of all tears of love, a song of love.
Ian, thank you for Taco More. Thank you for all the precious memories that haunt me - in good, grieving and loving ways. God, thank you for Ian - thank you for hope that mitigates grief with expectancy. I don't know if there is Mexican food in heaven - it is not specified at the wedding feast of the Lamb. But, if You ask our family, we suggest it be added to the menu! I look forward to sharing a meal with you one day, with a salsa bar perhaps? and remembering our time together in body and in spirit, our experiences of God's great grace. I can't imagine that it will be without tears. For memory and reality will be pressed together in a new way - into a new eternal experience and love and joy. And there, love and maybe tacos will be shared again - face to face.
Love you "E",
dad
