Photograph

 

Ian,

Remembering you through photographs capturing memories on your birthday:

• in Maryland, Vacaville, Disneyland, Texas and all around Austin;
• with friends, family, cakes, cupcakes and foil;
• as a kid, teenager and man.

Each picture tells a story, as Rod would croon. Stories of giggles, laughter, fun and hope. Each picture holds time in a bottle - to inspect, to reflect to relive, to wish to turn back time.

As Ringo, would sing:

"Every time I see your face

It reminds me of the places we used to go;

All I've got is a photograph

And I realize you're not coming back anymore.

I thought I'd make it

The day you went away

But I can't make it

'Til you come home again to stay."

I realize that you will not be making it back home, our home, again to stay. You are Home. It is we that must come Home to stay - and there find you.

[We are] longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Heb. 11:16

So much has happened. So many have gone Home, grandparents, friends, and other family. My little sister Stephanie is with you there. How I miss her! How I know that the two of you much have much to celebrate and share together.

2011 was the last time the Pogue-side of our family was all together for Christmas and your birthday. We celebrated Wichita Falls and look at the smiles.

We were together on Thanksgiving 2012 - really the last time our group was together in person - all in one place. Lots of joy and fun then!!

We enjoyed a virtual Christmas that year - opened gifts and shared with joy, but unfortunately, we were not all together.

You left us in 2013. Stephanie in 2020. We will always be incomplete and time marches on.

But, one day we will be gathered back together to be always with the Lord.

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 1 Thess. 4:16-17

I could go on...so much to remember...so much to have once again. But for now - I just needed to say "hello" - to say, you are not forgotten; your memory burns brightly. The hope of reunion continues always.

Love and miss you "e"!

Dad

Trippin' with Ian

 

Ian, 

You always made me smile - from your texts, the creative pictures you would send to just hearing your giggle as you related a story. This picture taken during Terry and your Spring Break 2013 trip to New Orleans makes me laugh still. It came to mind as Mom cleaned out your old bathroom cabinet - well completely. At the back was an old cherry jelly jar full of herb. The lid was put on very tightly so that the distinctive sweetness would not escape. We asked Danny and Caylea - they were just as surprised. Must have been yours...no telling when it was put there - now a maybe decade old jar of grass. But as with the "Keep off the Grass" picture, the weed brought back memories of "trippin" with you. 

Before I launch into "Trips" that we took with you, I will comment on "trippin...." Yes, we know you sampled weed various times in your life - didn't know you had a stash at our house, but we knew you experienced the high. The most memorable event was when you first got your car and had your learners permit. We went to Aaron's house and met a bunch of your old BCS friends and Andrew there. We were hanging out doing the parent talk thing and you drove your car over to show your friends - the white Civic. Sometime during the day, we noticed that all the boys were gone, your car was also, gone. Hmmmm - what could be going on. Well, we waited and after a while you returned, the Civic full of boys and everyone smelled of fresh herb. So, not only were you driving friends without a license to drive anyone but a parent, but you were stoned and driving! It took a bit for the seriousness to sink in - such is the status of being high. But, you lost your car for a while for breaking the law and driving under the influence. More on that incident in the early blog entry about your cars. We know that there was definitely some more "trippin" - from the stash in the cabinet! 

Nevertheless, there was definitely some "trippin" as well as "trips" with you. 

Trips:

In and Around Our Nation's Capital

One of our first trips after moving to Maryland and your birth was to Williamsburg, VA. Mom, Danny and I enjoyed the interesting colonial food, playing with model guns (Danny loved this) and various period-specific experiences. You and Caylea were strolled around in the blue double stroller - the Cadillac as we called it due to its size. We came to one of the many vendors who looked to sell us stuff. Danny loved the hats and the model guns. You were riding on my shoulders and Mom grabbed a colonial hat and dropped it on your head. She then clicked this picture - one of our favorites of all time of you as a toddler! Your face - well, so cute and memorable. Yes, we got suckered into buying a timeshare while in Williamsburg - but it paid off with great places to stay through your early years in CA and even down to our trip to Disney World.

We also visited Amish country in PA and enjoyed watching the horse drawn carriages and unique cultural experiences. We also loved our Sundays - to drive along the mountain highways (especially the Skyline) to see the sites in Spring and especially Fall colors in Virginia and West Virginia. The colors of the leaves turning throughout the rolling hills were breathtaking. No doubt you, Caylea and Danny will not remember these experiences, but as parents sharing beauty with our children, we hold those memories with you - even in a car seat in the back seat - as very special.

Living near D.C. meant that we spent a lot of time seeing the museums and federal buildings around the Mall, Mount Vernon and other sites. You had a chance - before you would ever remember it - to see the Air and Space Museum, National Gallery, Museum of Natural History and various monuments. One memory I have is going to the Mall during cherry blossom season. Blossoms were falling on Danny, you and Caylea in a stroller as we walked around. We were amazed at the beauty of the season. We were blessed to hold memories of our precious children, even really young, in such amazing places.

California Dreaming

Moving to California, we decided we would experience everything - and not miss the White House and other places as we did in Maryland. Early on, we found Tahoe as our family favorite. We stayed there under so many different conditions - in a timeshare on the water, watching it snow and us making snow men on a beach!!! We camped several times. A clear memory was your response to our first tent camping there. You unpacked your clothes and hung them up - organized and ready for the trip. Your face, pride in a good job, never will forget that. Of course, you kinda forgot the organization thing later in life, but, that is another story. Mom and I even tried our hand a gambling once or twice. One trip, we got enough slot money back to even pay for a babysitter. Coming out ahead was rare! We often went to Truckee and other communities, seeing Skillet or trying to find a weekend get-away. One trip we drove almost to Tahoe on a whim and did not find a place to stay. You were thirsty and we got a Jamba Juice. Caylea was dealing with an ear infection and meds and threw up in line for food. You began throwing up later because the Jamba Juice was bad! We were cleaning up the whole trip! We finally found a hotel, exhausted and ready to sleep. This trip was going badly! The next morning, we awakened to find that we were across the street from an indoor video and playland!!! God provided. The trip went from the pits of vomit, the the joy of playing games all day. You and your sibs had a great time and we drove back with sleeping kids in the back seat. 

We also camped on various black bottom lakes in the Sierras. One trip was a baptism of Lavonne, one of our friends in a Sierra river. We bought a large tent, multi-room for the trip, but used our Power Ranger, Snow White and other "home" sleeping bags. Well, the temperature dipped below freezing, and with the vacuous nature our tent, we were freezing. Mom and I almost did not sleep a wink. We looked at you guys and we found you, Caylea and Danny literally stacked on top of each other in your sleeping bags with Indy sleeping on top of the pile of kids to keep warm! Mom told me to get a fire going and not come back until it was raging. The pressure was on! Well the fire was started. You kids joined me to cook our traditional camping breakfast for our friends and our family - bacon first, eggs second in bacon grease, and pancakes third in residual oil. Not healthy, but yummy and a breakfast all of you kids could help prepare. Soon we were blessed to celebrate the baptism of our friend in the coldest water ever!

Mom reminded me of our first trip to Carmel and Monterey Bay. We reserved a spot in what seemed like a quaint hotel in Carmel by the Sea. Pictures of a library, pool and other amenities suggested we found a real gem. We arrived and found that the room had what seemed like 20 year old 3 inch shag carpet and Mom was afraid for our health! The "library" had books in it, but was basically a closet sized room. This was all "excellent" compared to the pool. You, Danny, Caylea and I dressed up and headed down to swim - hey, this is California - the pool should be fine. Well it was a dirty mess with leaves and debris in it. Suffice it to say we left that alone. We quickly relocated to Monterey and enjoyed the aquarium and the sea side experiences. Another trip that saw victory snatched from the jaws of defeat!

Our final Tahoe trip was with Becky and Chris before we moved to Texas. It was like a farewell to one of favorite places on earth. You did return there. Your ashes being placed in Emerald Bay and other places. A memorial to ensure Tahoe knew how important this place was to you, to us, as a family.

We went to Yosemite at least three times. Crazy thinking back that we had such young kids hiking everywhere with us!! Two quick stories. The first was a climb up a moss-covered set of cut-rock steps to the base of half dome - with a waterfall on our left side. You and Caylea were by FAR the youngest people on that trip. Danny was still small as adults huffed and puffed up the stairs. Mom and I bribed you guys with the option for ice cream when we got back to the bottom. We did and we delivered the goods. A shuttle driver could NOT believe all three of you made it to Half Dome's base. You were true mountain goats. The second story was a trip with just Caylea, you and I staying at the Boy Scout camping site at Yosemite. In all our trips to Yosemite, we never saw a bear - we saw the tell-tell signs of bears with disrupted camp sites and broken car windows, but no living bear. Well, one morning, the whole camp was abuzz. A black bear was about 25 yards from the camp, lumbering toward our site. Everyone grabbed pots, pans and silverware, went to the edge of the camp at the more dense area of the forest, and banged away to make the camp less attractive to the bear. I wish we took pictures! But we were all caught up in the moment - get rid of the bear! Soon, the bear turned and walked away. Whew! we succeeded. The rest of the trip had us doing advanced hiking - up half way on Half Dome and other places - as you and Caylea were now much older and ready for significant and strenuous outdoor activities. 

Final hiking was really focused locally to Vacaville. These included going up and down Lombard St., touring Alcatraz and getting lost in the City, swimming and singing at the cold Stenson Beach, roaming around Muir Woods, crossing Bay Area bridges as well as engaging in the Marin area experience. Further, we experienced finding red glass on Glass Beach in the Fort Bragg area; throwing darts and playing pub games at Streets of London Pub in Sacramento; visiting wineries in Napa and Sonoma. Our favorite hiking place was actually right near the house - Old Rocky. We went there often, with the dogs, with friends and of course, with the cattle that fed on the grass there. Those cattle once actually surrounded us during one hike. I remember thinking - Mom will kill me if you kids get trampled by the cows! Maybe I should have been thinking more about you than Mom! Good news - we escaped. Hiking from one end to the other was the big goal. We did that about a week before moving to Texas - we got to see our home and city of Vacaville from the top of multiple hills. This is a special place to our family.

Spirit West Coast

We attended and camped at Spirt West Coast several times, with the Scott's, Megan and just as a family. We found this a great opportunity to camp - a family priority activity. We camped in a field amid a forest of tents, and shuttled to the concerts. We saw so many great Christian bands there - can't list them all. I remember one cold morning huddling under blankets in the bleachers to the left of the stage as we watched DC Talk. It was also in the standing area in front of the main stage where you put your faith in Jesus - at a Skillet concert. I told that story in another blog. Danny and Aaron Scott created a contest to get the most artist signatures on their hats. You and Caylea loved looking at the "trinkets." It was there you got your "David" beany bear that you loved. 

Amusement Parks

You can't live in California and not go to Disneyland and other theme parks in Southern CA. We would fool you guys about our plans. One time we told you that we were going to check out pools in Sacramento as we drove off one evening hoping you would drift off to sleep. Caylea often stayed up - eyes open. Early trips saw you love roller coasters - Space Mountain was your favorite. Much like Yosemite, we dragged our young kids to do "crazy" experiences - often not fitting your age. Fearlessness...that was your approach. As you got older, and began to understand mortality, you did not like the roller coaster experience as much. Then you got older still and loved them once again - at Disneyland and Marine World in Vallejo. We loved experiencing Knott's Berry Farms and Magic Mountain. Often we enjoyed tiers of rides with Danny, Mom and I on more radical rides and you and Caylea with more normal rides and "cultural" experiences. Medieval Times was also a fun experience. You loved the knights, the joisting and horses. You also loved the ample food provided and eating completely with your hands!

We experienced Disneyworld with the Darlands and Momma Jean and Poppa Gene. That was a great trip. We used our timeshare to get two great condo's near the park - impressing Stephanie who was a bit distrusting on the quality of place to stay! We dove in to the parks each day meeting JD Harris's family who generously provided us with tickets. Danny played Dance, Dance Revolution, you and Caylea drove the cars, enjoyed the animals in parks and everyone loved the Aerosmith Rock'n Roller Coaster in the adjacent parks. Seeing all the characters was actually a fun "egg hunt" for you and Caylea. But Goofy was always your favorite - with your Goofy character stuffty being a favorite. Having Goofy serve you breakfast with Micky and Minnie was outstanding!! Stephanie had us on a really tight schedule to experience EVERYTHING!!! I was so proud of all my kids, being always so helpful and inclusive of Will and Kenedy in all the activities. Once the Darlands headed home, we took a deep breath and slowed down. We had a great time with MJ&PG at Epcot. The humidity and heat got to the grandparents a bit as well; we all wilted a bit. So slow and more measured experiences with the cultural groups at Epcot was a highlight.

On the Slopes

"Hey kids, its snowing in the Sierras! Want to skip school today and go skiing?" Well, no one ever said - "No Dad, I would rather stay and study..." We would be off early in a morning and often at Donner slopes by 10:30 for a full day of skiing. You first started on the bunny slope, the first "jump off" on the way to the summit. But, you quickly became strong and we would go on the blues before heading to the top. I remember us skiing the backside in a blinding snow storm - could barely find the trees and lift and faces were freezing, but I could not tear you off the slopes. The most memorable time in CA was when you, Caylea and I got a fourth member - a very young girl - on the four-seat lift. Her family was on the slopes, but older brother was in front of her on the lift. When we came to the bunny slope - the first "jump off" point, and she didn't - jump. Her brother screamed for her to step off but she was frozen still with fear. Her family was screaming - she doesn't know how to ski!!! Oh no! Now we had to calm her down for the 10-15 min trip to the top of a mountain. How were we to get her down? We arrived and we all hopped off, but had to drag her off the chair. What to do now? You and C were so kind - showing her how to snowplow and get "some" hang of skiing. Indeed, the first 100 or so yards, she did pretty good. Of course it was a large open area. When it became close in and steep, well it was one fall after another. After probably 30 min, I suggested you two ski down, update mom and try to find her family. I then carried her down in more than knee deep slow. I was tired!

We also went to New Mexico for a ski weekend once we moved to Texas. We skied everywhere! Amazing how you improved with age. We played in the town in the trinket stores posing with Bruce Lee, using Wolverine hand blades and of course, going to a music shop. There you picked up and tuned a guitar and just started to play. I was jealous.  Seeing both your and C's smiles in the pictures makes me very happy! Wish we could go skiing again!

Washington DC and Gettysburg

We went back to our nation's capital in your 8th grade year at Brentwood. Caylea had gone two years before with Mom. Now my turn! It was great to see you, Jimmy, Adam, and all your friends see the once in a lifetime (sometimes) places. We went back to the same Mall, same museums you saw as a baby - but now, maybe you would remember them! We toured the White House - never did that when in MD before. We saw the Holocaust Museum that was new at the time. Most of your friends were very affected by the visit - as were you and I  - but they headed out. You saw an older gentleman at a table and you struck up a conversation. He was a Holocaust survivor and you and he talked of his experience. Did that put the interest of the Book Thief in you? 

We also visited Germantown and saw the old apartment complex, lake, hospital and community you were born and had your first years. You ask so many questions about the place - walking in a stroller around the lake, eating with MJ&PG at the pizza place up the road, the movie theater where we would frequent, everything. We then drove to Gettysburg to see the field. I had become quite interested in Civil War history. You were less excited, but tolerated my stories and enthusiasm. We looked over the field that Picket's Charge happened, saw the places where the Union made their stand, and walked Little Roundtop where the men of Maine won the second day. Great memories shared there. I had a job interview in Delaware - went okay, but we did pick out t-shirts for the girls there.

Mission Trips

The Gospel was important to you. Worship was a time that you loved and you would talk to a fence post about anything. Often that anything turned to Jesus. You and C went on a mission trip to Mexico while you were in Jr. High with a church across Jollyville. I don't remember a huge amount about it, but I know you were affected by the poverty, the need for people to help. 

When older, in high school, we went with Riverbend on the first big trip they made to El Salvador. It was there where you found your voice and calling. We worked with ~800 kids that week. You probably met each one of them. You exchanged lessons on guitar and bass with the band. Taught soccer players to play basketball and they taught you soccer. Was this the spark to play soccer your senior year? You met your older brother Cesar and made many younger brothers there. I remember going through the colonia with rice bags, beans and other groceries to share with the people. You would carry each person's bags if they became too heavy. Nothing would stop you from sharing with the people. Your shoes, your shirts, your clothes largely were left there. You came back with a t-shirt covered in signatures from the kids there and sick - you gave everything and told the pastor you would be back.

Trips around Texas

Too many things to mention here, in Texas we visited Enchanted Rock, drove through West Texas in a snow storm after skiing, visited MJ&PG in Wichita Falls and wrapped Christmas ornaments around bushes at a Sonic there - like done on the cedars on Hwy 360 in Austin, College Station to see A&M and where your parents met and were married, and San Antonio to enjoy the River Walk, Mexican food, and mall shopping. Remember seeing the Michael Jordan's signed photo in the souvenir shop there? You LOVED looking at cool basketball cards and memorabilia.  

We often found ourselves in and around Houston, Mama and Popee's, Granny and Pawpaw's, and all Mom's sisters. Paw Paw bragged how hard a worker you when you helped build the barn and work with the longhorn cattle. You loved Uncle Kurt's tickets to see the Texans! You were so helpful with little Nate - helping him get food, go to see the field and get up close the players. You never were a huge football fan, but always a great joiner-in'er! Uncle Kurt loved going with you and I to our local card shops - he focused on baseball cards, you on basketball and I on football. Nate tended to the trinkets, jerseys, etc. Loved those trips. We also loved our long weekend with the Coopers at Aransas Pass. Loved taking turns driving dune buggies on the beach, swimming in the ocean, building sand castles and burying each other in the sand. 

Little Emily Warfield played at a festival near Houston one weekend. Erin's family and ours headed to Houston. We watched lots of "older guys" play Texas country, etc. to entertain a small crowd and the schedule dragged on and on. Instead of going on around dinner time, you guys were starving - we harvested food and got you ready play. Again, I was the roadie to help load up your Trace Elliot cab and Bugera head, along with Erin's gear and drums.They you guys kicked things off with "You Gotta Know" and the crowd went wild - well, the Austin-based crowd went wild! Great concert as you guys, in our minds, stole the show!

Final trip to Houston was celebrating Mom's bday in 2013. We went to get Danny and celebrate together. We planned to just do dinner, but Danny was very busy at work and decided to stay the night. Well, we brought nothing - clothes, tooth brushes, etc. You and I went to Walmart to get products to support the stay. The only shirts for sleeping were "HUGE" blue shirts! Well, we wore them that night - and had waffles in the morning still in our shirts, just as Donkey suggested in Shrek. Here we were, last time as a family, last time as "5", and we were dressed in silly oversized blue shirts and eating waffles at a hotel. Never would have predicted our last time together would be that trip. Of course, you spend a weekend with Danny to video game and hang out as brothers. Caylea and I would visit you in College Station, take care of her "hangry" and throw discs (including my Orc into the lake on the industrial park campus of TAMU). All of us were together, except Danny, at Easter in 2013 - as we worshiped at the Stone, ate at Taco More and hung out. Mom and I would spend the days with you at Parent's Weekend at TAMU. All precious times together. But in Houston in January, we last were together as five. 

Aggieland

Your first time in College Station were trips with Mom, Caylea and I - and Danny - if I remember correctly - to see your roots - the campus, the buses Mom drove, our first apartments where Mom and I met on Southwest Parkway, First Baptist Church where we were married, first duplexes and apartments. We ate at the Chicken, Duddley's Draw and other places around the area. You and Caylea were grossed out that Mom and I conceived Caylea in a particular duplex!

You and I got you visited College Station as you were deciding which university to attend and I helped you move in during the Summer of 2012 and Fall of 2012. What great times those were - other blogs detail these. We watch Game of Thrones together, through frisbees, roamed around the campus, worked out at the Rec, ate at North Gate and Double Daves, Chick-fil-a, met with Dr. Hall and generally acted as Aggies together. Having my grown son want me to stay in his room, hang out with him around his college campus - what a privilege!

Caylea joined Mom and I to visit Aggieland in the Fall of '12, a Longhorn in a foreign land! We loved playing in the Union - active if we were sleeping there as Mom and I used to when we attended. We also found a great study nook for Mom, Caylea and you to study on the second floor - never found that before! The slobber couches were still there - cowskin couches for sleeping. Great visit. 

Our final time with you in College Station was during Parent's Week. I have written on this extensively. You had come back for Easter service - what a great time worshiping with the Austin Stone in the Drum! We met you and you hung out with us in our B&B, visited Northgate eating at Pot Belly's and the Chicken, met all your friends, attended the maroon and white game, worked out at the Rec, attended church and then ate chicken fingers before kissing you goodbye. You had a study session to attend at A+. Never thought that this would be our last embrace, last kiss, last time to see your smiling, giggling face. But it was. 

Trippin'

Trippin' with you Ian - lots of great times, all over the U.S. and even Latin America - memories for a lifetime crammed in 19 years. We never got to trip together on some weed, share a beer, or drink, but we shared laughs, joy and life changing experiences as we went on trips together. These stories are but a scratching of the surface of the memories, written to spur more thoughts and memories when I read them in the future. 

You continued your trips, even after death, with your ashes being shared by your friends and family across the U.S., Europe, and Latin America. Indeed, you "tripped" with me to Portugal, Spain, Poland, Colombia and Mexico. I would rather paid for your seat and have you join me that way...

Going Home

We do have one more trip to make together - to meet at Home, caught in the air with our Savior, have body unite with spirit, and be ever with our King. You made the spiritual trip first, being Home now. I will meet you soon by God's grace. Until then, I must hold on to the promises Christ's resurrection provides - a living hope, indestructible inheritance and being kept for eternity.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded [kept] by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 1:3-5.

Trials to test this face surely come - Peter promises this - your passing confirms this. Without God's keeping, I would surely fall away. Life is a set of accumulated joy and pain, each a refining us. I hope that my faith "will may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." He gets to wear the crown!

Ian, I miss you. In a year with no "trips" but to Wichita Falls to see MJ&PG and bury my beloved sister Stephanie, I think much of our trips together and our trip that will come - to be Home again, together again. 

Love you "E,"

Dad

Voting Day 2020 – Ian would say “People above politics”

Ian,

I did not expect to post a blog today. Like most Americans, I am struggling with this divisive and mentally abusive election season. 2020 has been a year of years. I stated that my 5-year plan was to just finish 2020. This election has increased the anxiety and lengthened the days. 

I woke up this Nov. 3rd remembering your quote in the Bryan/College Station Eagle on July 4, 2012 – your first semester at A&M through the Gateway Program.

What would you think of the politics of this year? From this quote, I remembered that first – you would be voting. Second, you would not shut up about your opinion. Ian, you would be endlessly talking about the values that drove your opinions and motivations for participation. 

So, in effort to not to talk about the details of this particular election, I wanted to explore what values drove your passions, opinions and choices. Maybe they will be relevant and helpful on this critical election day - as I process how to respond. 

Some thoughts:

From his earliest years, Ian’s empathy shown through his words, his feelings and actions. Thus, his mom always said he was destined to grow up to be a counselor or a preacher. As we sat stunned in our home on Trillick Ct. on September 11th morning in 2001, my thoughts circled around the horrible suffering and loss of life as the twin towers collapsed. Danny, Caylea and Ian who sat with me cried and talked about this loss too. But, as a 7-year-old, Ian’s response showed important nuance. He was most concerned about the people’s families who had to watch this video, see the buildings crumble and their precious loved one’s lost. He thought through things – not just of those who directly suffered, but how their suffering impacted others. 

This “other-centric” attitude drove his actions as he grew up. He actively joined his brother and sister as we helped at homeless shelters, took sandwiches to people with Mobile Loaves and Fishes and served Kids at the Stone. He was passionate about helping people. His active engagement in mission trips to Mexico, El Salvador showed his passion for those who had less than he had. He would serve tirelessly through manual work, playing basketball, trying out soccer, or teaching the guitar with those around him. He gave literally the shirt off his back and his good shoes so that the kids would not be lacking. He gave his love in word and deed, listening to the kids and trying to understand and speak to them in their native language. 

As we prepared to leave El Salvador, the children we served would not let him go – hugging, holding him and wanting to stay with him. They took out their pens and wrote their names on his shirt – a legacy 40-50 kids left of the impact his love had on their lives. He did not want to leave El Salvador and told the pastor that he would do what he could to return. He did not have opportunity to make good on this desire. This shirt is one of our most valued possessions.

He regularly gave money, food, and his possessions to homeless people in Austin. After his passing, homeless men would stop us and tell of his generosity. Indeed, Lanette heard stories of Ian from homeless people who did not even know she was this “kid’s” mom. He left a lasting impression. Further, he knew the challenge of addiction and the way charity can be misused. But, he gave first; he did what he could to meet a felt need. Their stories reverberated with Ian’s generosity and how they felt the love of Jesus through him.

In High School and A&M, Ian was passionate to see his friends from all backgrounds have the same opportunities, recognition and respect of others as he enjoyed. He would lecture me on the evils of racism and the importance of inclusion of all people, gender, sexual orientation and race. Exclusion, suppression and limitation was not to be tolerated. Ian’s voice was clear and articulate – and ceaselessly expressed… We could hear his opinions until we ask him to leave the room because our ears were tired.

Why do I tell these stories? One reason is to remind myself of Ian – so I do not forget the details of his vibrant, but all too short life. But the other reason centers on the passion that he had for people and that politics must serve people, not oppress or limit them.  In this election, voting is critical. It is our voice. As Ian reminds me from the past, America is a unique place, where we can “express our opinions openly and live our lives fully.” This starts with the vote. It is our voice for our leadership and values. Ian would be voting early or today if he were here. 

But as we vote, we need to consider who and what we are supporting. Politics has become even more this season about “power,” “positions” and “policies” that are divorced from their impacts on real people. We have politicized everything this year – from public health to even the vote. Yet, in the midst of this rhetoric, real people struggle to have food, pay rent, find jobs, receive healthcare and plan for a future. I know Ian would be voting for candidates who value the people first and would use policy to help people, not exercise power, prove a point or argue a position.

Ian has been gone for so long – I cannot predict some things about what he would look like, be doing, and other things. But what he valued, people – this I know would not change. People must be valued above politics, I think I know how Ian would vote this year.

Now back to my direct conversation with Ian. 

Ian, I love you and appreciate how you continue to influence my life for good. Tell my little sis Stephanie that I love her too and miss her so very much. Look forward to meeting you both again when in the reunion in our real "Home."

Love you "E",

Dad

Can't Get Next To You - Ian in the era of social distancing

Ian,

As I sit working, amid continued social distancing, and contemplate what the world will look like as we begin to re-open our economy, I cannot help but think what a difficult time you would be having with all of ... this! The old Temptations' song says it all - you would be driven crazy because you "can't get next to you" - well, anyone - right now.

When defining your social behavior type, everyone would agree that you were extremely extroverted, demonstrably affectionate and a constant join'er in'er. You were okay to spend time alone - but drew energy from, and were the initiator or nucleus of group interactions. The group could just be one other person - or it could be a room full. What mattered for you was the quality and quantity of interpersonal engagement that occurred. To use mom's terms - you were immediate in all your relationships. Engaged, involved and bent on understanding.

You did many things "for" people (we all have memories and stories of your generosity) - but your focus was how to be "with" people in the doing. The "doing" was always contextualized in the "being." I see your focus on "with" instead of "for" extended from people to God as well. You did not serve, worship, read, or pray to just do things for him - it was to be with Him, experience Him and enjoy Him.

Your bent goes further than just the interaction and conversation - it extends to the physicality of "with." You were raised in an affectionate family. Hugs, kisses on the lips - even after high school - were common between you kids, Mom and I, and between you kids. It stuck out. At TAMU Gateway registration - you greeted me with a hug and a kiss. I headed home with a hug and a kiss. Most parents got a hand shake or a brief hug. Your hugs were not brief, not a chest bump, but a full bear hug. More often, they were a running bear hug - more or less like a safety tackling a would-be receiver. Chest to chest, cheek to hair, swaying back and forth - often, you picking me up. It was not just the immediate family - it was other family members, your friends - even people you just met. Acceptance and physical touch were one and the same for you.

I can only imagine how unproductive you would be working alone in and apart! You probably would be dropping by to bug neighbors to borrow things, drop off food or check on them. I imagine you would know all your neighbors and text them to come to a social distancing BBQ or get together of some type. I know we would caution you about such interactions, but you would talk about the value of people being worth the risk. You would struggle not to shake hands, hug or sit in someone's lap. It would kill you to be "so close" - "yet so far..."

How do I know this?

I remember you growing up. You were always sitting with your friends, bumping into them, pushing on them, welcoming them with a bear hug. From the time you got into your "big boy" bed, you would get out and sleep with Caylea or Danny to be "with" them. I remember coming into your rooms in Maryland, in California, and finding you and Caylea together sleeping - or sleeping together on Danny's bottom double bunk, or cuddled together - the three of you - sleeping on the floor after a movie. In Austin, it was often one on a couch and two of you on the floor - but all wrapped in blankets and often still touching in sleep.

If you guys were playing games in the garage in Vacaville, with Taylor there or not, folding the futon down to a bed was the natural late night thing. Each of you would get your blanket, curl up and play video games till you all fell asleep overlapping each other on the futon. Those were amazing Saturday and Sunday mornings to see you, Caylea, Danny and a friend or two, draped over each other and sleeping. There was always a lot of love in our house.

Our houses were always full of kids - if it was not Danny hosting a video game LAN party, it was you hosting a swimming or trampoline party, or Caylea having friends over to play or cook. The pool, game room, the basketball goal, the TV, your room, the guitars - anything was a reason to get 2-15 kids over and be "with." Each weekend in California and Austin, our house was full of your friends. I remember the pool was full of boys and girls when you and Caylea had "moving parties" as we prepared to come to Austin. Kids were everywhere, in the game room, the living room or the pool. Boys coming by and picking up grilled asparagus and burgers and eating. Yes, I said grilled asparagus - it is amazing... Everyone being with each other.

As you got older, you spent more time in smaller groups to play guitars, talk or hang out. But larger groups still came over to play basketball, participate in dunk contests, skateboarding or pick up frisbee games. One time, MJ&PG came to visit and you were in your skateboarder phase. You found a board shop on - 12th street - down from the main Austin Community College campus. After a friend-filled afternoon, we headed to the shop and you looked for parts for your board, but you found your first beanie there. MJ&PG bought it for you. Even as a junior higher, trying to establish independence, a bit awkward and as a skateboard dude - you gave MJ&PG each a big hug making their visit complete.

I still remember a sleepover at our house when you were in High School. You guys came over to watch scary movies. Marielle introduced you to horror flicks - I am not sure if you ever really liked them or just made a deal to watch with her. You guys said you were watching the "scariest movie of all time" and we said - "good luck with that!" Mom and I headed to bed and you guys were on the couches starting the movie. I forgot the actual title, but when we came in the next morning - all the living room was re-arranged. Pillows and blankets formed a ring around where you all slept - several almost-adult men - huddled together encircled by pillows asleep. The story we learned later was that the movie freaked you all out so much - that when someone needed to go to the bathroom, you all huddled together to "go with" the person to the bathroom. You would deposit the guy in the bathroom, the group waited right outside - and the person emerged (we hope they washed their hands). The huddle reformed and returned to the living room. Only as a group was the movie restarted. Mom and I guessed the pillow and blanket border was to keep the evil out!

At Texas A&M, you were known for your demonstrative affection and big smile. How you would have struggled to wear a mask and not see others facial expressions in a grocery store, walking down a street or at school. That is what we will no doubt be doing when our "shelter apart" rules are lifted. You loved making people laugh and bringing them joy. You needed that visual feedback - feedback blocked by a mask. Moreover, we would miss seeing your face explode into one of those patented smiles. With social distancing, you could not embrace others and lift them up in a greeting or see their smile if they had a mask. Yes, this time, these rules would be a definite challenge for you.

It is not just me remembering your demonstrable, physical and vocal ways. Friends would write:

As I read over what other people said, it seems like we all agreed, you were GENUINELY loving and caring, it was just of your nature. I thank you for giving me the privilege of being one of your friends, I'm going to miss your sweaty bear hugs in the gym, you know I love you, buddy, take care for you're in a much, much, better place now, until next time... 

Ian used to work at the Starbucks next to my church. I eventually found out his schedule and would go get coffee just because I knew I would see him there. Almost every time he was working he would see me, walk around the counter, and give me a big hug. 

I remember the "taking out the trash" video where you and Brenden instigated jumping over trashcans. It is the joy, the smile, the exclamation that communicates how much you loved being with people - and people with you.

It was not just who you wanted to be "with" people - it was where you would get together. Always it was places surrounded by people:

• Zilker Park and Mt. Bonnell - playing ultimate, entertaining with a band, hiking with friends, running with dogs.
• At the movies, packed at Alamo Drafthouse or another theater. We just rewatched the Avengers and remembered that your favorite scene was the shawarma the team ate after the credits. You loved how Bruce Banner (aka the Hulk) was pounding the fries.
• Concerts at Stubbs, Emo's and other places you would watch or play with Little Emily Warfield.
• Restaurants - McD's, Chick-fil-a, Lupe's or a chicken strip place.
• Sports - watching UT or TAMU football, basketball or playing at parks, working out in the Rec, or shooting hoops in a gym.
• Church - the Stone full of people, singing at the top of their lungs, hands raised high.

Each provided ample opportunity for sharing way too much common air, breath, sweat, and other body fluids. Social distancing would drive you crazy!!

After going Home, your friends shared love "with" our family in the demonstrable, physical and vocal ways. Over 50 joined us at TAMU Muster - shouting "Here!" louder than any other group then hugging and loving us from the gym to Double Dave's pizza. Over 100 friends came to our house before your Going Home service to donate hair, play guitars, sing, and sleep over one last time.

 About that time, Taylor would say:

I've hugged and been hugged more this last two days than I have the rest of this year

Hundreds came to your service to love and encourage us. Then 5, 10 or 20 would come to our house, meet us, love us in Austin or meet us to "pond hop" or eat in College Station. Still, one or two friends drop by the house when in town to love us, to hug us, to exchange Ian stories "with" us. I guess even Facebook is a place where they meet us and share love, stories and memories.

Your extremely extroverted, demonstrably affectionate and a constant join'er in'er character rubbed off on your friends for sure. They have supported us throughout this incredible 7 year odyssey - a trip Mom, Caylea, Danny, MJ&PG, me - all our family and all your friends - never wanted to take. A trip of years without you. As Mom said on Facebook,

I selfishly thought I am being smothered with comfort with food, texts, fb posts, calls, visits, prayers, you name it. The one comfort I want most is what is causing me to mourn ‐‑ the comfort of hearing my son's voice, seeing his smile again, hugging him tight. 

This is how I put it in a post:

I remember your smile, the giggly laugh, bear hugs and your smell, scratchy beard, kisses good morning and goodbye, the “I love you” in texts, on the phone or as we left each other. I remember you waking me up, standing over me as I slept, saying “Dad, I’m home!” (How I long to hear that again!) I replay the jabbering conversations, silly topics, the passions for the present and future, the arguing over values and actions as well as the celebrating of each other. 

Yes, we miss that extremely extroverted, demonstrably affectionate and constant join'er in'er person more than words can say. But I see you were much like your King, who was all about people joining "with" Him. In some of Jesus' last words to His disciples, He takes them from despair to unshakable hope.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:1-3

It was not enough for Him to be God, He had to come and conquer sin and death for us. But "for" was not enough - He Himself is preparing a place to be "with" us. He will come get us to be "with" Him always. The hope for resurrection is so powerful for there is much "with" yet to experience. To meet you again, see your smile again, bear hug you again - to worship together again. I am DONE with this social distancing from you and Jesus! I am ready for reunion and renewal. We have so much to share with each other - I know!

It has been way too long Ian. I cannot believe it has been seven years. It feels like a lifetime ago, but seems like only yesterday. I miss you so much. But in the midst of missing and longing to be "with" you again, I am thankful for my extremely extroverted, demonstrably affectionate and constant join'er in'er son.

Love,

Dad