Taco More

Ian,

You always had a knack for research and finding hidden value. But I honestly didn't believe it when you first told us. In the foodie city of Austin, when a group rated the top restaurants, Taco More sat near the top - bested only by 2 or 3 places that were >$100 a plate. Further, you said a person could get completely full at Taco More for $5! This sounded a bit too good to be true. Was it another exaggeration in the mind our teenage son? Such extrapolations of facts to fancy were fairly common during Ian's early high school days. Taco More is an unimpressive place, a thrown together restaurant in an old building with a covered patio to catch overflow traffic. Upon seeing it, my first thought was our favorite Mexican restaurant in Vacaville - we were often the only English speakers in the restaurant - including many of the servers who would take our orders by numbers and drink names. Loved that place, loved our family times there - I would try the new one.

Ian and his friends had ferreted out Taco More as a place apparently close enough for a quick lunch run during or snack after school. Getting tacos for $1.25 or so a piece fit into a high schooler budget. Understood those economics. But  meriting to be named among the "best" in Austin - never! Well, Ian was emphatic in this assertion and convinced his Mom, sister and I to come along. We incredulously looked at the menu - it surprised me as it looked like a taco joint in Monterrey. Pastor, lengua, cabrito, and other more common names suggested the genuine articles and captured our curiosity. Ian showed us how to order. Lanette suggested we work to order in Spanish as we prepared for the El Salvador mission trip. That worked well for the three of them - not so much for me! Ian took the lead showing us the soup-like salsa, warm and flavorful, the chips and, to him, the most important part: the salsa bar (pictured above). He would whip up a concoction of two red and a green sauce that tasted good, but would remove paint from the wall. He always like hot and salty food. From a toddler liking salsa, to a teen passing up candy for chips and salsa. The taco's were served with Mexican Coke and we all were satisfied, yes even impressed. The flavors were rich and portions plentiful. Ian beamed! He was quick to show us the ticket - the family could eat for less than $15. We were instructed to leave a generous tip by Ian, as he told us of he and his friends habit here. Ian knew and respected the value of the server and their need for reward, learning first from his brother then directly as a barista at Starbucks. (Sometimes he had to be restrained from leaving extravagant tips for his budget even.)

Well that Spring and Summer as we prepared for El Salvador (the picture above shows Caylea and Ian "preparing" for the mission trip), returned from the mission trip, hosted Danny's visits - we were frequent customers. And it just continued as Danny moved to Austin and on through the years. Saturday's for brunch was our favorite time - we could catch up on each other's weekly activities, weekend plans, laugh at the funny things, complain, argue and be ourselves there. There was something very satisfying about the eating experience beyond good food and prices. I think it was that there was no pretension there: real food, real people served and ate with us, and real conversation flowed there. That was Ian - he sought real people, experiences and life. Nothing shallow. 

Taco More saw Ian grow up - advance through physical relationships, focus on spiritual ones, move to want to serve God on mission, on the concert stage, in the college dorm. Taco More was an incubator for our family to interact, grow together, share and draw close. With Danny not living with us, it was a common gathering place - where interaction was the focus, not just food, not a screen or sporting event. The importance of the place was seen as an ever growing orbit of friends were invited to eat there - just as teens, or with the family. This was Ian's restaurant - his place of discovery and sharing. 

Easter 2013 - The Stone was hosting a single Easter service at the Erwin Center - its third (pic above). Ian brought Brenda from College Station. They had grown very close and hung out with each other almost constantly that Spring. Lanette and I would hang out with them at Pot Belly, Maroon and White Game and working out at the Rec only a week or two later during Parent's Weekend. Lanette and Caylea trained and served with KidStuff at the Stone that Sunday. Since the girls were working with the kids and Danny was not attending that Sunday, it was Ian, Brenda and I attending the "big service." Brenda had come to Austin with Ian on more than one occasion, but always with the TAMU herd, and had attended the Stone. But seeing 12-15,000 people rocking for Jesus in the stadium was cool and powerful. I guess a big Breakaway event could match the size, but it was impressive to all of us. People there were serious about Jesus and sought him through the whole time there. Ian sang at the top of his lungs. I couldn't really hear in the chorus of voices, but knew it  was a joyful noise. Hands raised, eyes closed, voice aloud and heart engaged - the boy knew how to worship his King. He also could not stop talking in the service! We talked about the number of people, the decibels, the worship songs, the message and the friendly people. 

After the service, we met Lanette and Caylea outside the Center as they finished with the Kids. We discussed where to go and eat. Somehow, the topic of authentic Mexican food came up and Brenda clearly stated that she doubted Austin had anything "real" but thoroughly lived up to its Tex-Mex reputation. Brenda, being from the Border, was an expert. Ian took immediate exception. He promised that he could produce an authentic Mexican dining experience; we must only go to Taco More. So it was decided - meet at Taco More for the big test. We separated and Brenda asked me to take some pictures of the two of them. Ian wore his favorite shirt, the long sleeve reddish/maroon one, and they posed so that the State Capital was behind them. I snapped pictures that I treasure, remembering the smiles, the laughs and conversations that surrounded them. 

We rode to Taco More in my car - Ian played DJ with a phone. I do not remember the songs. But think he was playing the new Indie bands he was gravitating towards on YouTube. We arrived. I think Brenda could see from the outside, this place was for real. We sat inside - very rare occurrence - but it was Easter and everyone was dressed nicely and the place was hopping. Mexican cokes, waters, and some other traditional drink were ordered along with tacos and a torta - for Brenda. Ian was quick to show the salsa bar. How proud he was to share his favorite place with his friend. How his face lit up as Brenda expounded on the virtues, the "authenticity" of the food and her surprise. Caylea and Brenda talked and enjoyed getting closer. Ian laughed, smiled, glowed and talked and talked and talked. How I wish I could remember the words. How I never want to forget that voice, that chuckle, the belly laugh. I remember his big, reddish, curly, bouncy hair. His scraggly red beard was a cool length. His build filled out that once large shirt on him and his thighs, those thighs that would donate so much life, bulged in his best pants that his Mom found him and got taken up to fit him so well. There he sat - our son, a mix of Nette and I, personality and features, and so much love enveloped him from family and friends. Vibrant life sat across from me. There was more to the trip than Taco More - visiting perhaps Zilker, Mt. Bonnell, other favorite places, shared with Brenda. The selfie pictures exude the vibrant life of Ian that fills all our minds and memories.

Couldn't go back to Taco More for over 6 months after April. Finally, Danny convinced me to go. Nette and Caylea have not been back since. It is still serves great food. But it is not the same. I now go to Taco More to be with my sons - Danny and Ian. I love to hear Danny order in Spanish, to talk of his favorite taco, to prepare HIS special sauce from the bar, to chat and just hear his voice and watch his features. Each time I go, I reflect on each previous visit to Taco More. The first one, ones with Ian and friends, ones with all five of us on a Saturday morning, the last one with Brenda. I hear Ian's ordering in stuttering Spanish, his laugh, his joy, his voice in my head. I feel not so alone there. It is sad, but it is joyful - an odd mingling. I think that is what grief really is. It is the collision of the joy of life, what we value, what we desire and dream, what we hope for crashing into what is missing, what goes unheard, unseen. It is memory and reality pressed together tightly, so tightly, that it hurts in your soul. Tears come at these moments - and why not? These are tears of memory and moving on, of thanksgiving and loss, of joy and sadness, of hope and despair all mingled together. As Nette has written much better than I, these are most of all tears of love, a song of love.

Ian, thank you for Taco More. Thank you for all the precious memories that haunt me - in good, grieving and loving ways. God, thank you for Ian - thank you for hope that mitigates grief with expectancy. I don't know if there is Mexican food in heaven - it is not specified at the wedding feast of the Lamb. But, if You ask our family, we suggest it be added to the menu! I look forward to sharing a meal with you one day, with a salsa bar perhaps? and remembering our time together in body and in spirit, our experiences of God's great grace. I can't imagine that it will be without tears. For memory and reality will be pressed together in a new way - into a new eternal experience and love and joy. And there, love and maybe tacos will be shared again - face to face.

Love you "E",

dad

Preach the Word - Ian!!!

Ian,

Mom always said you would grow up to be a counselor or preacher. I can attest that you are both - but I will think a bit more about the preacher in you in this blog. Anyone who knows you could tell of your knack of delivering truth when people needed to hear it, always constructively and with compassion. You started young; remember leading us all in "Jesus Loves Me" at Yosemite - I think you were 3! Friends with relational problems, people asking advice, your dad dealing with his demons - you were always speaking the truth and encouraging people to walk in it. There are many stories to tell here, but will focus on two.

Parent's Weekend at A&M 2013, Mom and I came to visit. We have written about the great time we enjoyed with you elsewhere, but I have to recount some highlights for my own joy. The giggling and joking shared in our B&B room, dinner at Pot Belly and seeing Brenda there, breakfast with the international studies group ("Where are you going to study ('abroad' - implied), Ian?" "I'm studying at A&M..." you responded), walking through the A&M Mother's Club exhibits and playing the raffles, eating at the trailers, going to the Maroon and White Game with your friends, working out, hearing your frustrations about your friends, seeing what "the true definition of white trash" is, going to church together, shopping at Best Buy, getting the Hulk, Thor, etc. USBs, eating at Laine's, kissing you goodbye in the parking lot as you headed to tutoring - so many wonderful memories. But as I think of you and the Word, one really sticks out. 

 We wanted you to find a church home in College Station - ever since we went there first in the Summer for Gateway - we tried churches. Your response was often, "Dad, we rock harder in Kid's Stuff at the Stone than that church." or "That was not a strong message." Ultimately, Breakaway was your church as it is for so many Aggies. Well, that Sunday in April, we headed to a church - after you and Mom had a great time sharing your trashcan video and shopping in the grocery store. Nico played the drums in the church worship band and the worship music was pretty good. The message was from the Old Testament and the preacher was trying to say, according to you he did this poorly, that God has given us everything we need to live out the Christian life. I must admit, it was a bit muddled. After the service, we left the building and you were adamant that the preacher really used the wrong Scripture to get this message across, that the message was unclear and could have been, should have been very clear. Then you reminded Mom and I of 2 Peter 1:

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature... For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self- control, and self- control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins...for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." (vs. 3-11)

I don't remember if you quoted all of this (probably not, because that is a load), but you really dug into the first part. That God had called and given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness through His precious and very great promises through which we can be like Him and grow into His character. You preached to Mom and I for probably 15 min as we walked to the car and drove to Best Buy. You explained how great our God is, how much clearer the point, that took so long to get to in the message at church and was really unclearly presented, was CLEAR in this Scripture and that the preacher should have used it. Well, that message was clearly delivered by you!!! 

Indeed, those precious and very great promises have been the lifeline that Mom, Caylea, Danny, and our family and friends, and I have leaned upon since you went Home. The truth that God is in control, that He has gifted us with everything that we need in His Son, that His Word is sufficient, that it is true - has made this very hard road something that we can navigate. Although it has been very hard. I remember the encouragement you gave me in Laine's as I let my codependency express and frustrate you and Mom - that God was enough, that He has a plan, that He gives power to walk and live differently. I apologize for my poor example. I am thankful for your clear and fervent faith in God's truth - you were both preacher and counselor then. I need faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection and love. I want these qualities added to my character and regularly expressed in my life. Your words encourage me to pray, seek God and believe His precious and very great promises that these will become my character. 

The promises about you, that you walk with Jesus, that He prepared a place for you, that He came to get you, that we will be reunited one day, these are very precious and more than very great. They are the breath in my lungs and the beat of my heart. I know that this is the truth for Mom and our family and your friends. Life is so much less full, fun, joyful, varied, unpredictable, warm, etc. without you with us. The hope to see Jesus, to be reunited one day, is the wind necessary to keep this ship moving in very stormy waters and not quit and just sink. You were more right than you could have known during that message to Mom and I - God has given us all things we need for living a godly life to have hope when life is torn from us in His precious and very great promises. I confess that I have been nearsighted and need to apply myself with renewed energy to see that these godly qualities are mine and increasing. This this way, I walk in the steps of our Savior. I also walk in your steps and example. You preached the qualities of love (and the other qualities) with your words, but more with your life - actions, priorities, use of time, first responses to struggles, prayers, etc. You saw that these qualities were increasing in your life all the time. No wonder that the entrance into the eternal kingdom of Lord and Savior was so richly provided to you. Thank you Ian for preaching the Word with your words and your life!

I miss your preaching to me. I miss your encouragement, occasional rebuke, our sometimes maddening discussions (and arguments) and your abundant opinions about everything. I feel like life is so quiet, so empty and so long. But then, there you are preaching the Word to me afresh - encouraging me not to quit and to press on to the high calling of my Lord. Brenda gave us one of those messages from you after you went Home. I often reflect on it - its simplicity, its truth and its timeliness. 

"I know that [things] coming up soon that are worrying you. Just remember that God is on your side, rely on Him and anything is possible. But also that there is no reason to worry because when you put your trust in Jesus, when in doubt and struggle, He not only hurts through the pain with you, but He is the ultimate source of hope to overcome whatever matter lays beneath you."

The actual words chosen reflect your age and your dexterity with texting (you were very good at texting, 3,000 texts one month - was that right?). But the wisdom is based on years believing in, thinking about and living out those precious and very great promises of God - the truth that He has given us. The truth that you could not be shaken from. The truth that will guide us safely Home. 

I know that things are coming up soon that are worrying you - "In this world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world." Just remember that God is on our side - "If God is for us, who can be against us?" Anything is possible - for us because of "Him who can do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think." There is no reason to worry - "Let not your hearts be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in me." When we put our trust in Jesus in doubt and struggle - "we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." He not only hurts through the pain with you - by being "numbered with the transgressors" and "bearing our griefs and carrying our sorrows." He is the ultimate source of hope to overcome whatever matter lays beneath you - "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or distress...No in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

Ian, you were born to be a preacher. You preached the Word of God with your life, with your words, when on earth or when Home, whether I saw you, texted with you, talked with you, or read texts or listened to messages or music in this past year. You certainly were not perfect - subject of a future blog? - but you are my example how to know, rely on and live out God's precious and very great promises in such a way that you were richly provided an entrance into the Kingdom of our precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I cling to these promises and to the cross that bought them for us. I will remember and cling to the Blessed Hope we have in Jesus:

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. Philippians 3:20-21

Love you “E”,

Dad

Lucy's Home!!!

Ian,

Remember coming home March 8th last year? Mom and Caylea had been searching for a dog for more than a week - introduce the "get a pet" into the conversation and they were all over the internet. Soon, the idea was cemented - an Aussie like Indy, only miniature. After reviewing pics of tri's, blue's and red's  - it was quickly settled, find a red merle puppy! You and I only had the power to agree, for once your sister was clear on the goal - puppy pics were flying to Mom's computer and a breeder was quickly identified with her last puppy - a red merle a little more than 3 mos old - interestingly born 11/28/12 (You and Mom continue the monthly "28" tradition in December and January!). Caylea was unable to see the puppy on a Friday night, but you traveled back from College Station to visit that weekend and to drive with us down 290 to meet the breeder at a Sonic. Once there, you and I approached her car and she revealed - Lucy!! It was love at first sight. You immediately picked her up, helped her walk around in the sparse grace at the edge of the parking area, and convinced us that this was THE dog we needed to have as a family. Hard to say "no" to your broad smile, your heartfelt giggles and laughs as Lucy won our hearts! You posed with Lucy for her first picture as a member of the family. Your beard and her fur - pretty close match in color! You loved playing with her each time you visited home. She grew up quickly. Mom and Caylea pose with her on the UT campus as a little older puppy - she is so cute.

Lucy really misses you - I know it. She really feels the hole your "going Home" left in our family. She was with Caylea when she heard the awful news. Since that moment, she has sought to heal our hearts with her presence, nearly constant licking and close attention - especially to Mom. Lucy is very sensitive - feels our pain as we weep, tries to make things better however she can and has been struggling to control her feelings and "be her own dog." One day this Summer, Mom and I needed emotional relief and stopped by Austin Pet's Alive to pet puppies. What can make you feel better than petting puppies - right? We soon were drawn to Lucy's sister, Roxea - a black Boarder Collie mix. It took Caylea only a minute to see that she was her dog! Roxea is so sweet, so fun to play and watch, and so energetic. Although fun, Roxea ended up being another stress-er in Lucy's life. A testament to the struggle Lucy was having without you - a great puppy becoming a stress-er.  Well Roxea moved with Caylea to Houston and has proven to grow in energy and creativity - she ate parts of  Caylea's new apartment - Bummer! So, we put her and Lucy into the Austin Dog School - Roxea to learn basic commands and Lucy to gain independence, confidence and "be her own dog."

Lucy was gone for two weeks! We were thrilled to have her come home! We really missed her and have really enjoyed walking, petting and being with her since she is back. I can imagine your excitement to see see Lucy, more confident, more obedient, more fun and more grown up. Look at how confident she looks up at the camera - our pretty girl!!! It is has been great having her home. Roxea is back home too - but with Caylea. She is more fun, more bouncing (and coordinated) and obedient than ever.

Couldn't help but really struggle this last week - Lucy is home; you are not - well, at our home. I keep thinking you are at A&M, thinking you are hanging with friends, thinking I will see the "Hulk" Honda in our driveway any day. I wanted to talk about the SuperBowl Halftime show with you - Bruno Mars was very cool, great pacing of songs and the build up to the the Chili Peppers landing on stage was brilliant (to quote Arther on "Cabin Pressure")! The Peppers were indeed hot! and you would have loved the groove Flea laid down to "Give it Away." It was a highlight to an overall runaway game. The real SuperBowl was the Seahawks versus your 49'ers two weeks ago. Almost...that will be THE rivalry for the next few years in the NFL. I remember the walks we would take with Indy and Charlie - around our neighborhood, through the park. I want to show off Lucy to you. I know you are so proud of her. She is confident and she is fun. It is so hard to have Lucy home and not have you home too. But, I must remember that you ARE Home - in our Father's House, not ours. I am very jealous of Him having all of you and your time - and a bit pissed off with that arrangement too.

You would think that I would be getting used to your new living conditions - Home, not home - but I really only miss you more every passing day. I miss your texts, your calls, throwing the Frisbee with you, receiving your musical hints, being corrected in the weight room, having encouragement to run (I finally listened - I ran 3 miles and walked 3 more Saturday!), seeing your big smile, hearing your belly laugh and throaty giggle, feeling your bear hugs, teasing you about your big unruly hair, talking about school, dreams, your latest obsession, visiting with you and your friends on a weekend, griping at you to check your car oil, seeing you order a HUGE order of chicken nuggets after seeing a McDonald's commercial during the Olympics, listening to you play the bass, and it goes on and on. It is so hard to see Bessie alone, see your Music Man silent, your room unoccupied. I know that Mom and I are just flat brokenhearted. I know Danny and Caylea miss you more deeply than ever. Again, it is hard to have Lucy come home and not have you come home!

Jesus spoke of your new Home as Heaven, Paradise and My Father's House. I try to imagine Jesus telling me: “Your heart must not be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me. In My Father’s House are many dwelling places; if not, I would have told you. I am going away to prepare a place for you. If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also...I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through Me." (John 14:1-6) I have struggled with my heart being troubled lately, missing you, fearful of more time passing without you with us. Similar to the Lego Movie's theme, I must BELIEVE (and this is not just a cat poster statement) - but not just believe, but believe in Jesus - He is our life. Believe that what I do not see is more real than what I do see; believe that our sufferings on earth are "light and momentary" compared with the glory you have entered in and we will soon follow; believe that you are fine, at Home in our Father's House; believe that we can put one foot in front of the other and survive, maybe one day thrive; believe that Jesus will come soon to reunite our family together; believe in the hero's "Well Done!" that went up as you opened that front door entering our Father's House.

I do believe; I do trust Jesus. I guess that I am learning that faith and great sadness can co-exist. That I can believe and remain brokenhearted. Every thing, every experiencee makes me miss you more. I do not see this changing. A Grief Share email reminded me:

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." (2 Cor. 4: 16-18).

I guess that is it - must not give up for we have a hope that outweighs our pain. We must believe and embrace the reality that sadness, a broken heart - these are real, but these are not forever. We have a blessed hope in Jesus. A mysterious glory awaits us that will wipe away our tears, make our pain make sense and replace sadness with joy and praise. This glory will last longer than your bass soloing, than sharing a movie, lifting weights, than weekend at A&M, than even a lifetime with you. This glory will be an eternity that we share together with Jesus. Maybe we can "play football" as Audio A sang in our "Father's House" - actually, I just want to toss the disc with you- I miss that. You know this glory, I want to know it too.

So, Lucy is home; you are Home. I am not not. I am in still in transition. That is probably why life simply does not fit; why it is so incomplete without our whole; why life is such an intermingled mess of joy, sadness, hope and tears. I will look toward our hope in Jesus, the hope we share with you, and choose to believe.

Ian - I love you; I miss you.

Dad

As a Family, at Lake Tahoe and Yosemite

Ian,

After you went Home, Mom, Danny, Caylea and I discussed where we want to rest when we follow you Home - remarkably all were united in opinion - Mount Bonnell, looking over the Austin skyline, and Lake Tahoe, a very special place in our family's life. All your family and close friends solemnly honored you on Bonnell after your Celebration Service; the place where you carried Seraina to the top to ask her to prom with a candy ring pop. (By the way--How did you carry her up all those stairs?!? I can barely walk up by myself.) Bonnell was the place you took all your friends, from Austin, from A&M, from CA to see your city - so many memories there. This week, Mom, Danny, Caylea, the Mundells and I honored you at Emerald Bay - the most beautiful point on Lake Tahoe - as your birthday passed on December 28. Your family will follow you soon, to Bonnell, to Tahoe - unless Jesus returns first.

Why Tahoe? Mom, Danny, Caylea, you and I first came to Tahoe soon after we moved to Vacaville - staying at a timeshare on the South Shore beach. I remember it snowed one Sunday morning and you, Caylea and Danny were so excited to see actual snow coming down - on a beach!!! Maybe that was the start of your habit of dancing in the rain - I remember you and your brother and sister running, dancing, catching snow and making snow angels on the beach. God blessed us with the cutest kids ever! We returned to Tahoe and then went to Reno another year. We found Reno to be a "sad" sort of city full of only gambling and little to do as a family.  One highlight was you hanging up your clothes all by yourself and posing for a picture. So adorable!

Remember going to Circus Circus? You, Caylea and Danny did your first "gambling" to win stuffies (stuffed animals). How you loved stuffies, from Max, to your dragon, to monkeys to the A&M sock monkeys. Tahoe in your elementary years was dominated by skiing at Donner (primarily), sledding trips with the Mundells and Junior High camps (attending with your brother!). You loved skiing down the greens and blues at Donner - fearless and you loved the front slopes and occasionally the backside of the mountain when it was not too cold. Mom and I would take you guys out of school probably once a year and then maybe another weekend to ski and enjoy the snow. Mom tried skiing, but it wasn't her cup of tea. But she loved to take pictures and celebrate with her kids as you came down the slopes. I can see her smile and the reciprocated grins on your faces! We took Kelsi and Kurtis with us skiing too - I think twice, including once after we moved to TX. Our family skied as Kelsi and Kurtis learned to snowboard. We didn't go to North Lake Tahoe as a family - Mom and I found ourselves there by accident in a timeshare once and then with the church Jr. High leadership. South Lake was our family place.

My most vivid memory skiing was riding the Donner lift with you and Caylea, one on each side of me (neither of you liked being in the middle without a seat arm to hold on to when the lift rocked!). A brother and sister (who was ~6 years old) rode in front of us that time up the hill. Their parents waved to them from the bunny slope below to get off the lift on the low slope - the older brother jumped off, but the little sister did not. We shouted promises to the parents to watch out for the girl as she headed to the top of the mountain!!! On the top, we realized (as she fell coming off the lift) that the little girl had little clue with regards to skiing. We tried and tried to get her to ski, each time failing. I then handed my poles and skis to you and Caylea to take down the hill and I carried the girl and her gear down the hill, in knee deep snow. To say the least, delivering the girl to her parents was a joy - but I was exhausted. I then caught our breath, joined you, Caylea and Mom for food and drinks in the Ski House and got rejuvenated to ski some more that afternoon.

There are lots of other memories sledding, especially setting up slalom runs with the Jr. High group at Sierra Pines, jumping over curves, sleeping while the Jr. High worshiped and listened to messages. But the most memorable event was you sledding with Kurt Mundell off Hwy 80 on an old bunny ski slope turned sled run. While Indy and Shelby barked and complained as we sledded ("Can't you see it is cold here and you are getting wet!!!"), you and Kurt started at the top with Kurt sitting behind you on the sled. Mom, Danny, Caylea, the Mundells and I sat at the bottom of the hill watching a mom lead her young child across the sledding hill - right into your's and Kurt's pathway. We screamed warnings at the mom and watched in horror as you and Kurt upended the kid, sending his boots 20+ feet in the air. Believe it or not, Mom caught this on film! The mom and dad rushed to the child as he lay in the snow - the father yelling at the mother for her carelessness for minutes after. Thankfully, the kid was fine. I imagine Indy and Shelby were thinking - these humans are crazy!!!

The last trip to Tahoe was most memorable. We were getting ready to move to TX - life was going to really change for us. You, Caylea, Mom and I went to South Lake with Becky Fickess and Chris Voight for a long weekend camping trip. We camped at Zephyr Cove. We had a blast - cooking with Chris, games with Becky, hiking around as a family. We did a "mock" wedding on the Lake for Becky and Chris. You were the "best man." It was Summer and we went to Emerald Bay, looking at the beautiful scene, climbing on the rocks and being amazed at God's creation. We took pictures, laughed, joked and celebrated our life in CA with our close friends. It was a great way to end our time in CA - camping, joy and celebration in South Lake Tahoe. We continued to visit and enjoy the Voights - as they married, moved to Tulsa and adopted Avery. They each love you dearly!!!

Yosemite is our family favorite National Park - lots of memories there. Our family visited Yosemite three times while in CA - the first time you were 2.5 years old!! We camped in the Valley climbed to the top of Bridalveil Falls - up moss-covered, slippery rock steps to the top - and back down again, bribing you, Caylea and Danny with ice cream to avoid having to carry you down. Later as we were riding on a bus, the guide asked us if we had been to the top of the falls and we told her the story - she looked at you kids and thought "Wow! they must be tough kids!!" Yes you were!!! The highlight was at the outdoor church service in the Valley. We got there early - the whole trip we felt God's presence - I mean, He carved this amazing valley and gave us humans it as a natural megaphone of His glory. You and your brother and sister were too young to really "get" all that - rocks, leaves and stories of bears (and ice cream!) primarily caught your attention - or at least we thought. When the minister arrived, there were about 10 other people besides our family and he asked for someone to to lead singing. You raised your hand and stepped up with great confidence to sing "Jesus Loves Me" at the top of your lungs. Everyone joined in. All this happened with Half Dome and the Valley in the background. The sounds, the sights of our kids left Mom and I remembering this as one of the premier times of worship in our lives. Your sense of God, your soft heart, your voice, and that of Caylea and Danny moves Mom and I to this day.

The second trip was full of more hiking (you guys were older then), up the back side of Half Dome and around the park. To get a camp site, Mom would call and call the day "space" opened each year to get us a spot. During this trip, we recognized the risk of bears in Yosemite as we passed by cars all along the road with windows popped out by "bear action." By then, we had perfected our family camping technique. A previous stay in the Sierras with the Lenhares got us prepared with warm camping gear and a food plan. We went the to the Sierras to baptize Yvonne at one of the black bottom lakes. We came to the lake with a big, new, three room tent, and our house sleeping bags, Power Rangers, Snow White, and I think Star Wars in style. These bags worked for Vacaville camping and indoor action, but not for below freezing camping. Indeed, the temperature dropped that first night. I awakened as the sun was coming up from restless sleep - Mom and I were laying on top of each other trying to keep warm. Mom warned me "Don't you come back until you get a fire going - we are freezing!!!" I looked in the other "room" and you were at the bottom of a pyramid of Caylea, Danny and Indy on top - all trying to use body heat to stay warm. That was funny - but clearly we needed better camping gear! Once the fire got going, we learned to cook great campground food - bacon first (always your favorite), followed by fried eggs in bacon grease and finally pancakes using the Bisquick containers for mixing and pouring. Yum, yum - we could fix up a breakfast! After that, you especially liked taking the lead in camp cooking. We celebrated Yvonne's baptism, committing her life to Jesus in an ice cold stream. You kids were not deterred by its temperature - you jumped in, shivering, and swimming around in the freezing water. Mom developed our "real" camping gear after this trip - real sleeping bags, better camp stoves, etc. and these were used from our backyard, friend's houses and all around Northern CA and then in TX.

The reality of bears in Yosemite became very real as Caylea, you and I when we came to the Valley a third time with one of your friends. We camped in the Boy Scout area outside the immediate Yosemite Valley - in tents as our usual style. One morning, we were cooking our traditional bacon, eggs and pancake breakfast - we saw him - a big bear in the distance approaching our camp. We quickly picked up cups, pans and utensils and banged them loudly to encourage our visitor to leave. Even far away, the bear was impressive. As Caylea was in Jr. High and you nearly done with elementary at Brown's Valley, we could hike and climb all around the valley, even to the top of Half Dome. It was a joyful time.

If I name a regret while in Texas, it was that we did not camp together as a family there. We spent weekends with basketball, track, football and Ultimate - lots of time together as a family (remember our "snow days" our first year in TX?) - but did not camp. That was our family thing in Maryland (starting in a friend's backyard as our first camping experience!) and in CA. Now you guys are grown up. It is hard to get you in a tent and not in a hotel or timeshare! I miss those times on the Lake, in the Valley, and just being together as a family.

In the new Heaven and Earth, the Bible teaches that there will be no more sea, but the river of water of Life will flow from the throne of God and the Lamb. My prayer is that Jesus will let the Pogues camp around that river as a family again, that we can cook bacon, eggs and pancakes, that we can play games and live in thanksgiving and praise God, that we will all be together again. Our every action in camping in Heaven will be to glorify God as a reunited family. We are five, forever, and will not be whole until we are with you before the throne of God. "Amen, Come Lord Jesus" (Rev. 22:20) and reunite our family for Your glory!!!!

Love you E,

Dad

To run or not to run - back in Vacaville

Ian,

You know that I hate running - always have. However your advice given to me and your example has motivated me to run. "Dad, if you want to get rid of that gut, you just need to run - at least 3 times a week." "Dad, it does not matter how far you run, but that you run consistently - you will get in shape quickly." "Stop running on your heels - it is bad for your knees. That is probably why you hate running so much and complain about knee pain. Run on the balls of your feet; run leaning forward; run engaging your core; run forward not falling back." "Dad, running this way will build your calves. You have chicken legs - this can change them!" Okay, this morning I was running in our old neighborhood in Vacaville - running like you said to run. I threw in push ups in three different positions as you taught me as well. This will help get me ready for a Tough Mudder or other active run - according to you. I can tell that following your advice has yielded fruit - I feel that the hill on Vacavalley is nothing. I came off the hill and passed up a lady and two dogs like they were walking. Well, they were just walking - but I was eating pavement. Since I can now think and run, rather than just be in pain, the run gave me time to reflect on my path throughout the old neighborhood - all the things I am thankful for, all the things I miss.

I first left the Mundell's house. So many memories on Shannon Drive. We virtually lived at their house. You learned to play basketball there with Kurt, Danny and Mr. Mundell. We walked up and down Shannon every year on Halloween - it was the best Trick or Treating in the neighborhood. We BBQed occasionally there and we walked to the half mile to the Mundells, or biked, or skated, or... Passed the park on Tributary Ridge. We only played there when you were very small and Danny had baseball nearby. You and Tyler and other friends may have gone there - but I remembered how little you were when we moved to CA - how big you grew!  Mom and I ran the pathway along Wrentham for a while. It was the only time I actually ran before. We did circuit training. I think it was a change up for mom as well - she usually walked. I miss sharing exercising and activities with her. You and I road bikes with Indy on Wrentham. You bought your own Haro - you decked it out with curb bars to grind on curbs and other structures. You were so proud of that bike. In TX, I argued while you were in Jr. High and early High School to sell it and get one that fit you - but you always said it fit you. You finally got tired of trying to ride it up and down hills and it was parked finally. Aunt Mandi's kids have your bike now - no doubt they are proud to have one of your prized possessions. Patrick and his sisters will love riding it and doing tricks.

I passed Tyler's house - you Tyler, Ryan, and other friends would ride skateboards, bikes, run around, spend the night at each other's houses. What great friends you have! Your Gone to Texas party at our house on Trillick - they all showed up. You and Danny always had a herd at our house. But this was a big group. I BBQed - probably fajita's, but I know asparagus. You and your friends came in and out of the house from the pool and hot tub grabbing a handful and eating it. That was so California! You and your friends loved swimming - no matter the temperature. Swimming in cold water only meant that running in and out of the hot tub. You guys would play pool or video games in the Play Room (garage). What a great time!

Our old house - so many memories. The pool, the hot tub, the yard - for baseball, frisbee, football, sledding down the hill, Caylea climbing the trees, all sorts of stuff. Loved the layout - We were all so close together - never like being so far from you guys on Tributary Ridge. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a Danny, Caylea and Little Ian too - Mommy and Daddy love each of you!" Sleeping with mom on the couch after we watch a movie as a family. Seeing the Horns win a National Championship, seeing the Titians almost win the Super Bowl, 911, etc. "Jesus, Keeper of this life. You are my Refuge, my Savior, my Guide, watch over Danny, Caylea, Ian and Taylor tonight, guide their every footstep as they travel this life - and in some quiet moment call them to Your side, so they will come to know You, as the Keeper of this life." How God has been faithful to this nightly prayer - calling you, Caylea, Taylor and Danny to Himself and keep calling you. I pray He keeps calling us back and back as we stray. We played basketball, you took refuge with shooting baskets with Indy as Louie learned to open doors and freaked you out. Becky filled our Suburban with paper and taught us how to prank and be crazy. Saran wrapping and other "reverse-pranks" were launched from this house! We also joined her in the fun - remember singing carols out of tune to her family - shocked with our skill and then surprised them with pictures of her aunt. We skated, played hockey, through footballs, learned to ride bikes, played games in the rain in our Trillick cul de sac. Much more, so much more in that house and neighborhood. Not enough time; not enough memory retained. Need to look at pictures!

Brown's Valley Elementary School - I remember your first day in Kindergarden, You blossoming from the quiet young kid with Anna at Bethany Lutheran, to the kid that no teacher could keep quiet. Mr. Northrup's room arrangement to keep you Tyler, Ryan apart and they you socialized quiet kids, boys and girls alike. I remembered the block and a half walk to the school - you learning to make your lunch, the Halloween parades, coming to class events, us leaving you at 6th grade graduation, on and on. The park has a new play structure - that was the first place we played when we came to CA. You learned to be an active kid, trusting your strength and body there. We played football, learned to throw a frisbee and practiced pitching and hitting in that park.

I ran (walked quickly to be honest - I blame it on the deep cow prints not my lack of aerobic shape!) Old Rocky. This first was Danny and my place - you and Caylea were too young to climb for a while after coming to Vacaville. I remember your first time up Old Rocky - I carried you and helped Caylea to the top. That was my goal - not yours! Poppa Gene and Danny had to help us down. The cow prints cause tripping and falling. I remember coming up with a Mike Mundell, Indy and Shelby for the first time. Shelby saw a rabbit or something and was gone over the next two hills. Indy started out after her - I screamed his name, we all did - he returned and seemed to say with his eyes, "See what a good boy I am! Look at that crazy girl. You will have to go and get her. Let me help!" Indeed, Mike had to fetch his dog as we trailed. That was a good day. We came once or twice a year to the top if the light post or the top of the other hill. It was a family Fall classic event shared with friends often - Kelsi, Kurt, Aaron, others. Our last trip covered the full hill - from Vaca Valley to Woodcrest. Caylea, you and I walked it all. We paused to see our neighborhood from above, our home of your youth, your elementary school, Vacaville in panorama. We took some of my favorite pictures of my precious youngsters - who were to go to Jr. High and High School - how was that possible. Where had the time gone. It flew with Danny - would it fly with you as well? What would life be like in Texas? Old Rocky never changed in almost 11 years - but my babies and child were now nearly grown up. Father's feel this passage of time deeply with pride and a tinge of sadness.

I passed by Serek's street - what a interesting friend. That was your video game friend of your age. Chris Restel's house reminded me of how Danny's friends respected your Halo and other game skills. They often invited you to join their mutiplayer games (Halo, Madden, others) - yes a kid in elementary school competitive with high schoolers. Danny always involved you and Caylea. Indeed, Caylea and you were invited by Danny and Taylor to play lots of D&D as Laine painted an excited quest as Dungeon Master. That was fun - getting little statues, to be your characters, hearing the stories and listening to the laughter. It still echoes in my heart.

Ryan's house was down Woodcrest to the left. I think his house and Aaron Dicken's house were the last places you spent the night when you visited Vacaville in Jr. High by yourself. You told such stories of fun and reunion. The boys had changed for sure since you left - some for the better, some for the worst - but you were sure and steady following God's compass and calling.

The baseball fields on Brown's Valley were the place you and Danny played ball, Caylea learned to read, we spent hot days, cold nights, endured working in the snack shop, ate bad hot dogs and grew up as a family. Lots of joy, lots of thanksgiving. I did not run by them - not on the path, but clearly visible from on top Old Rocky. Memories clearly present, uncovered, dusted off by places and sounds all around me.

The path I ran reminded me of the walks, the rides with Indy and Charlie to a lesser extent. We loved those dogs - yes, Indy more! Indy was our first big family loss. What a hole he left moving on. But we watched him grow old, suffer and it was time. It is hard reconciling God's timing with mine. You had grown up for sure. You are a man - but too young, so much life seemed left here - but God wanted your life lived Home, not at our home. That is a hard surrender - to trust in His love and plan when you just don't agree! The rocks at my feet on old Rocky remind me of the rocks we had at our house to set up boundaries on our grass. A few of these boundary stones we carried down the mountain from one place to be at home and serve our purpose at our home. I guess that is somewhat what God chose - brought you to His Home for greater purposes. Lord, not my will but Your's be done.

We ran in Texas much more than in CA. We ran with track in Jr. High to get in shape. We ran playing basketball, after work, weekends, mornings - whenever. I hated Daylight savings time - it cut down our light and time to play!!! Nevertheless, we played for hours in the dark with bad spot lights on the goal. I went from being faster than you to slower, stronger to weaker, better shot to just a the proud father watching. We ran at Ultimate - you, Caylea and Danny all shared love for this sport. I may have introduced the disc to the family - but you guys transformed it to a joy loved in CA and TX. Thank you for inviting me to play with you at Zilker those times. Thank you for telling me the stories at Zilker as well. Not just frisbee, but you playing Bessie there with the band and lots of soccer, frisbee, dog walking people stopping to listen and crowd around to watch your skill. What joy near Rock Island had. How hard it was to lay you to rest there. It is a sacred place of memories and of you.

Our last runs were when you returned from A&M. We worked on cross training program to get ready for Tough Mudder or other runs like it. I complained and complained about running - around our neighborhood, at the Rec or wherever we found each other. I wanted to lift weights - that cardio not running. Why did I complain to spend one minute with you? Why wouldn't I run more when you would ask? I passed up so many opportunities - to do what? Watch TV? Play guitar? Put off till next time? Time was something we lacked and I did not treat it as precious. I am so sorry Ian.

I ran to meet you at the Rec that Saturday after the Maroon and White game. What a great time working out we enjoyed! I ran as you suggested - balls of my feet down, or at least tried to. I bought Vibrams, five finger things like you, recently and have tried to run as you taught me since you went Home. I was regular for a while - then I became too depressed to run for months. I am back running now. I feel you running with me. I know we share these times together. I know that I will run those Tough Mudder races in your honor, in your stead. I know we will run the streets of gold together at Home one day. I can't wait for that day, Ian.

I love you.

Dad

ColdPlay

Ian, 

You followed in your brother Daniel's footsteps well - being our source of innovative music. Danny was that source for you and I often as he was in Jr. High and High school. Ska, cutting edge Christian music, rap, indie music first found its way into our family through Danny. However, when we moved to Austin, you picked up that mantle. Danny  kept introducing us to what he listened to in CA, but you found metal, screamo, the new blues-rock scene, folk rock (like Mumford and Sons) and lots of indie and coffee house music. Obviously there are many stories to be written here!

One holdover from California was ColdPlay. Kurt Mundell introduced us - if I remember correctly. I never really latched on to them at the time - but you did. From Kurt, we found Parachutes, Yellow, Sparks, Clocks, The Scientist, Fix You, X&Y, Speed of Sound and other tunes. Once in TX, you talked about their music and their innovative sound. You also looked for new releases - and when Viva La Vida was released - you loved it and bought it for Mom for her birthday or Mother's Day - I forget. BTW, you loved sharing music with people - all of your life. Your selections of music that you gifted were always exquisite and spot on - for friends or family, you were THE music source. Probably another story there too. Again, I was slow to come around - but Mom loved listening to songs you introduced. She would listen with you always (no matter the form - music, video, you playing the bass or guitar - did not matter - she would stop what she was doing to give you full attention and listen!). 

Life in Technicolor, Lovers in Japan, and the anthemic Viva La Vida among other songs you loved and shared with us. It is ironic that this was an album from you. The full title is "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends." It is a CD full of thoughts of life and death and their intertwined nature. Mylo Xyloto was released in 2011 and it was loved by you immediately. I wanted to join you in your likes - so I finally really listened and I joined the bandwagon seeing the cool music of ColdPlay, interesting message and almost worship-song like arrangements. My favorite is Major Minus. My music snobbery frustrates me now - I wish I joined your bandwagons faster and spent more time listening to YOUR music. I am sorry I cheated us out of that time.

When we looked at your computer for most played songs after you went Home, Paradise was number one by a wide margin. What a fitting song for you to love - you found the pathway from this broken world to the Paradise of our Lord, the courtyard of the King as Jesus told the thief on the cross. That day he met and walked with Jesus there. On April 19th, you joined our Savior and maybe the thief in that very same courtyard. It was the first song I chose for your Tribute soundtrack for your Celebration Service. I want to walk there with Jesus and with you. Can you tell me about Paradise more? I want to know where you live, what you are doing and the music you are making and sharing.

How I wish you would not have "run away" dreaming of Paradise! I listen to ColdPlay a lot now - it Hurts Like Heaven. I love the music and feel close to your as I listen - but it pains me deeply knowing that this music was so close to you and it came directly from you to me. I often cry listening to Paradise, Every Teardrop is a Waterfall down my face as I miss you, really miss you. Knowing the truth of Jesus, Coldplay is correct - "those who are not dead" as sung in "42." You are living with Jesus - you are not dead. But as ColdPlay sings, you are also "living in my head." I see you in the fields that we played frisbie, the basketball goal at home, schools you attended, places you played sports games, our street where we played - Mt. Bonnell, Zilker, Austin Stone, countless concert places - the list is endless. The Hardest Part is that Austin is a minefield of memories that sneak up and grab you. Yes, I feel Lost in memories sometimes, especially on a Rainy Day where I look for you running in the rain and dancing there. But especially when I listen to ColdPlay - every bass lick, each cool hook, layer atmospheric section - it screams your name. I want to Talk with you, share music, thoughts, time, hugs, a smile. Poppa Gene and others have said that you would say "Don't Let It Break Your Heart" - but your going Home does, everyday. We miss you so much Ian. Your Mom is really grieving - she misses her baby so much. I hear her crying and my heart breaks for her, for all of us; the space you left is huge and we feel the emptiness everyday. Caylea and Danny grieve too. I sense it is different for them - but they miss you tremendously. The rest of our family, your friends grieve as well. Just want you to know you are sorely missed. I can't change or lessen the pain - that is hard for someone who is bent on the "Fix You" thing. All I can do is give them to Jesus as I have you - He can make all things new. Death and All His Friends will not have the last word - redemption and eternal life is awaiting us.

I am selfish, I want you In My Place not in Paradise - accepting God's will is very hard. I do hear A Whisper from God telling me that all is okay, that we will share the hug, the smile, the memories in the Kingdom Come - that is A Hopeful Transmission. But as Tom Petty sang, "the waiting is the hardest part." Few things connect me to you as anytime Paradise, Viva La Vida or any other ColdPlay song hits the airways or on my playlist. These songs are close to you - and thus very close to me.

I am writing this after being in airports and airplanes all day listening to endless ColdPlay. I can barely hold it together. It is so bittersweet - I feel close to you, but I really feel your absence so acutely. Everything's Not Lost. Don't Panic, the future is just delayed.

I really miss you. Love you "e."

Dad

The Jazz Wall

Ian,

You are always full of surprises. When I think I understand or can figure you out - you make me expand my thinking and understanding. The origin of the Jazz Wall is one of those "emergent" situations where my expectations were met with your creativity.

We moved into our house in Austin and "assigned rooms." The small room doubled as Danny's room and the office, while you took the first room and Caylea the second - connected by the Jack and Jill bathroom. Personalization -that is what you guys wanted. For you, it was sports. At that time, entering into Jr. High, you were a basketball freak and interested in football, and really all sports. The plan was to paint the wall and have footballs, basketballs and other sports equipment to be cartooned on the wall. We needed paint. We got a brown for a football, orange for basketball and white and black for outlining. Aunt Shelley offered her overhead projector so that we could put an image on a wall that we could outline. Before we could paint, we went to either Michaels or Garden Ridge, probably the later, and looked for pictures, artwork, etc. for yours and Caylea's new rooms. You lit upon a set of paintings of musicians playing instruments. There were 2-3 5x7 and one large 11x13. We only have one remaining - your sister Caylea treasures it and has loaned it for our dining room right now. It is of an African American musician in a red coat playing a purple sax. The prints were lively, colorful and interesting. What surprised me is that you were into sports, into rock, into non-jazz music, but these prints of jazz musicians captured your attention. They would stay on your wall until several fell and broke and you moved rooms. 

Mom and Caylea went out of town - probably to visit Aunt Shelley and left you and I to do your room. We had agreed to an accent wall on the far side. We used the grey primer to cover the wall. I like to paint, you loved to help and we banged through that quickly. I worked mainly on the edges using the ladder Mom had got me and you worked on the inside. Now came the color. We agreed that we were going to make the basketball color orange the base and paint the shapes on it and not have to fill in the basketball. So we got going. It took two coats to get it smooth - so we worked hard and our 12 foot ceilings are HIGH. It was a struggle to make it look good and not get on other walls - but we did okay. The color ended up being UT orange - you were thrilled. Now to do the football - the brown we picked up looked awful - kaka brown to be exact. That was NOT going to work. However, we could not stop - you wanted to finish. My question was finish what? You then presented your idea - put instruments on the wall - using the prints as the template. Okay, that sounded interesting - so we got to work. 

We traced the guitar, trumpets, sax, and drums on paper. You then described how you wanted to arrange them - all surrounding a central space. I followed your lead and we projected, traced together with black paint from bottom left to bottom center - a sax, a snare drum, a trumpet, another sax, a kettle drum and a guitar. The guitar was especially cool looking but it and the kettle drum were right near the floor. Mom later pointed out that we could put nothing against the wall to block these the way we painted it. She was right. you wanted everything visible. Your bed would go under the first sax and only short things under the guitar and a chair could be farther in front of  the drum - it was tall. Interesting, Caylea organized the room similarly - even with the Jazz wall gone after you moved to A&M. Now we had a orange wall with black outlines of instruments. Not much color. You then added the part I was not expecting. I thought you would put "Rock", or some other thing in the space. But true to the iconic pictures the wall was based on - you chose "JAZZ" to be on the wall. Indeed, you designed it with Kiss "S" looking like backward z's. You took the lead to project and trace. My contribution was white shadowing. In the end, it really looked cool. We were so excited about our accomplishment. 

I think everyone like the wall - it was a organizational pain due to the low "major" pictures frustrating decorating strategies, but it was unique, cool and creative - all who you are! Your friends loved it and were amazed that you could "design your own room." The Jazz wall lasted a long time - until you moved out of the room to go into Caylea's room. When Caylea moved back, we took pictures of you and the wall - a handsome, muscular senior - a big change from the skinny cute 7th grader who conceived and painted the wall. What a marker of your growing up those pictures were - how you matured, grown and became - but how you maintained your individuality, cool-ness and creativity!!! 

I wish we did more projects like that! We did several - but the Jazz wall holds a very special place in this Dad's heart.

Love you "e"

Dad