Ian,
We are a family that loves music. It seems like we have taken turns introducing the family to "favorites." Another email will detail the favorites you introduced us to - indeed - your brother Danny and I listened to some of the music you introduced us to as we returned from the Texan-Patriot game this weekend. Texan's games - that is indeed another subject! Your Aunt Shelley sent great pictures from the two games you attended with Nate.
Although we don't listen to them much now, there was a time when Skillet was THE band for our family. I received a sampler CD with "Best Kept Secret" on it when Danny was in 7th grade. It was an immediate hit in the Jr High group at Crossroads Christian Church where we attended. The dynamic changes, the driving beat and the truth of the lyrics caught everyone's attention - including yours! You were probably 5 when Skillet hit our home airways and you were an immediate fan. We found the CD's in the Christian bookstore and quickly became experts - if I remember right, Caylea and I stuck with "Invincible" while you and Danny liked "Hey You, I Love Your Soul" best. The first CD had a few good songs - Danny mostly listened to it. Mom - she liked you kids showing her songs - it did not matter what. It was the interaction, the sharing and the joy on your faces that has always driven her.
I remember the first day we had the Suburban, we packed you kids up and the Mundells and headed up to Truckee to see Skillet play live. We jammed to our favorites, danced and maybe headbanged a little. Then they surprised us, they broke into an amazing worship set - and all of us joined in praising our King. Jon Cooper, the lead singer and bassist - wonder if he played some role inspiring you to play bass? - preached the Gospel. We were amazed that a band could rock so hard, worship in such an inspired manner and be so clear with the Gospel. Great way to break in a new car and enjoy music.
I think that there was another time we saw Skillet play live - but I forget where. The big concert was at Spirit West Coast. It was one we attended with the Scotts - if I remember right - camping out, we always loved camping as a family, and excited to see DC Talk, Jars of Clay and, of course Skillet!!! We also saw Switchfoot for the first time at that Spirit West Coast - I think. They were the NEXT favorite band as a family. More on that later... Anyway, Skillet went on mid afternoon on the main stage and I suggested we go down from the stands (where we were sitting, napping on, etc) and go down in front of the stage. Well that was not the best idea. You were pretty short, I am not that tall, and the crowd was thick!!! I don't know where Danny was - maybe in the crowd elsewhere or with Aaron Scott getting his hat signed by artists! Anyway, we jammed to our favorites and I held you up to see. I remember that Jon "spun" his bass around in a circle - we heard about that before, but never saw it before.
Just as the concert was really going, Jon Cooper stopped it and said that he felt the Spirit compel him to present the Gospel - so he preached, and preached. Don't remember the content - but it was about salvation being found in Jesus to be sure. When he was finished - he asked for anyone to accept Christ as Savior to raise their hands. You tugged at my shirt and said "Dad, I want to be a Christian." There are few things a kid can say to make a parent more excited. I asked you why? You said because you were a sinner and needed to be forgiven by Jesus. You then raised your hand. I picked you up and you followed Jon's lead praying to accept Jesus as your Savior. Wow! I was so excited. After the prayer - we were ready to really rock! But time was up and Jon and Skillet apologetically left the main stage. How thankful I am that Jon listened to the Spirit's leading and preached the Gospel instead of playing more music - God got your soul and your are His forever. The legacy of Skillet came through you all the rest of your life as you sought after a true, growing relationship with Jesus.
We saw Skillet one more time - at Crossroads for our Jr High Summer Camp. We, Danny, Caylea, Mom and I got to help them set up, and we watched excited as our friends got to see the concert blast out our favorites and new songs from "Alien Youth." I am sure that we all shook Jon and the bands hands as they came to the church. We were excited that they were at our home. We got "Alien Youth" bumper stickers from the concert. One of those stickers found its way to bedroom door in Texas - as you proudly continued to Skillet fan even as we left CA. I think we saw them one more time with their new guitarist in CA - but the legacy of Skillet had already took root. They were the tool God ordained for you to hear His call, experience His love and be His child. How thankful I am for Skillet and their legacy in all of us.
Love you "e" - miss you every day!
Dad
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
UT
Ian,
I know that you end up being an Aggie, you started as a Longhorn. Mom and I started as Aggies and then became Longhorns. Caylea and Danny - seemed to just start and stick with the burnt orange.
Your relationship with UT really began in front of a TV watching the 2005 National Championship game. You could often be a "bandwagoner" and were definitely cheering for Reggie Bush and USC. We did not watch a great deal of football over the years - compared with basketball - but this was a game we watch, as usual, with the Mundells. You were in 5th grade - and it was the biggest stage. I chose to root for UT - because it was Texas and not a silver spoon school in SoCal. Kurt was with you and USC - he always has an opinion. Mike and Danny really didn't care - to my memory. The game was - epic. You talked trash about how great Matt Leinart and Reggie were - that UT had no chance. It looked like you were right for much of the game, although UT kept it close. When it seemed USC was destined to win, UT won on the brilliant scramble by Vince Young as time ran out. We all were exhausted by the game. We chattered about the game for days. None of us could guess we would be in Austin in a little more than a year.
Indeed, we moved into Austin in July 2006. I was thrilled to have a job, and was a big "joineriner" to match your "bandwagoner" self. I remember buying you a UT basketball jersey during one of my visits for the UT job - #10. You were thrilled and wore it proudly with your friends. You researched Longhorn basketball and informed me that the National Player of the Year - TJ Ford was from UT. That was exciting to you for sure.
UT was introduced first at Memorial Student Center - the Underground and blacklight bowling. That was a favorite pastime - we even did one of your birthday parties in Jr. High there. We crowded 25+ friends around two lanes, then the air hockey tables, etc. We opened gifts and celebrated - some of your friends though it was old hat, but others seemed to have their first deep UT experience at that party.
We attended some UT home games that first year - before getting season tickets. They were the "wait in line" random tickets. I remember one set we were on the 20 yard line, student side maybe 15 rows from the bottom. How we got those tickets - I will never know. That was Colt McCoy's record setting freshman year. How we loved watching Colt run the Longhorn offense. I remember two things - first, a long pass Colt threw after a turnover - long pass to the wide receiver. He seemed to catch it right in front of us, elude the tackle and score! We high fived and rejoiced. The Horns were running away with the game, so we scooted down to the front of the stadium and saw how BIG the players really were. I was a little intimidated. You wanted to play football.
On Halloween night in 2006, Danny was in from California - and you were dying to see the Horns basketball team. They had an exhibition game that night. Danny, Caylea and I wanted to walk on 6th Street and see the weird people - Mom was unsure, but you had to see the game. We went - it was a free game and we sat on the first deck - the family behind and you and I up as close as possible. They introduced the UT team, four freshman and a sophomore. I asked you if this was the "B" team and you were quick to tell me that this guy Kevin Durant was rated as the top recruit in the US and chose UT. From that night on - we saw every UT homegame that season watching another UT freshman rewrite the record books - Durant. Your first introduction to Texas A&M was another epic, 3 overtime game, between UT and A&M - actually Durant versus AC Law. Durant and Law poured in shots from 3 point land, exchanging buckets, playing each other on defense, and no one could stop either player. Finally, UT pulled it out in the third overtime. I still remember the good hearted competition between the schools - the Aggie War Hymn, and we ALWAYS stayed to sing the "Eyes of Texas" with the Horns after a game. Football games, we loved walking across campus, after singing the "Eyes" and seeing the Tower lit up orange signifying a win. We never won a National Championship - came close twice with Colt, but always short. Bummer. Watching Alabama play UT was interesting. You really liked Trent Richardson - who won the Heisman. You seemed to root for Alabama - urked me. Early, the game looked to be ours - but Colt was bizarrely hurt and we never could capitalize on turnovers to build up a lead to win. Alas, Alabama was victorious; Richardson was the hero; you made sure I remembered who you predicted would win!
With Jr High activities and High School, time to go to football games, basketball games or other things at UT became more rare. Only once did we go to the Cactus Cafe, but we continued to watch several UT football games each year - you would often invite Jonathan, Jimmy, Max, etc. to go with us. One game, you and Max were going and were wearing random shirts - we stopped at the COOP and bought you both UT shirts - we had to come early, stay late, be loud and wear orange! It was in Jr. High that you went to your first A&M game. You went with Adam Lawson and his father who had season tickets. You were committed to wear UT orange proudly to show off to the Ags. Mom encouraged you to embrace the experience. You DID! It was one of those games that the Ags were blown off the field in the first half, but came back to tie at the end of the game. The overtime victory took two or three periods. So the game was exciting, but the weather was HOT!!! It was something like 105 there - by the end of the game, the few fans remaining, you among them, traveled around the stadium in unison with clouds and shade. Mom and I watched the game on TV - it was hilarious. You came home exhausted, but I could see that the Aggie experience had grabbed you - you were destined to be an Ag from that time forward.
Much like your sister, UT was viewed as not that special and going off to other schools, Pittsburgh or A&M was much more exciting. But Mr. Farrar gave you a tour and you saw the campus with new eyes and wanted to attend. Bummer they gave you the "go to UTSA freshman year" then apply to UT Austin option. Going to Gateway and having a true freshman experience at A&M was too good to pass up. So almost went to a UT, but alas, no.
You did take your Senior Pictures and our Family pictures around campus - among other places. poising in front of the church across from campus was not so memorable - the pictures were not as "cool" as we thought they could be - but they were evocative. Indeed, they were perfect as we remembered your heart. The family pictures were such fun - we poised, you clowned, Caylea stressed to go back to class, and you and Danny and Caylea were the perfect trinity of kids - beautiful/handsome, fun, smart and loving. What great memories and pictures to boot.
You would bring your friends from A&M to see Austin - Mt. Bonnell, Zilker, UT campus to see the Tower and poise for pictures with your Gig 'Em thumbs up. You and Will attended the Thanksgiving game in 2012 - UT versus TCU. It was a BAD UT game, but you cousins had a great time as you showed him around the campus and the stadium. The last significant time at UT was Easter this year - we were at the Erwin Center, where we watched so many games, but the Stone was having the big Easter Service. Mom and Caylea were working with kids, so you, Brenda and I worshiped together. It was a long year - going to get MUCH longer - but worship was a release. You were so honest, so involved - I was inspired. We left and Brenda asked me to take your picture with her looking over the city. We then met at Taco More to prove to Brenda Austin had authentic Mexican food.
I think back and remember the laughs, the smiles, the walks, the sports and life conversations, the bad bowling, the friends, the singing, the great player and games - I mainly remember my son - who went with me to events at UT, who was my friend, my companion, whose presence allowed me to see more and do more. Oh how I wish you stayed home!!! How I wish you were a Longhorn. Maybe you would be reading this with me and we would be joking and laughing. But God had other plans, glorious plans to send you to A&M and you transformed lives showing the Gospel in everything you did there - impacting more lives in one year than I have in seven in Austin. What do I say Ian - I miss you more than words can say, but I am thankful that we shared so much at UT. Seeing the campus, the buildings, the games, reminds me of these times and my tears may fall, but my heart is thankful.
Love you E,
Dad
I know that you end up being an Aggie, you started as a Longhorn. Mom and I started as Aggies and then became Longhorns. Caylea and Danny - seemed to just start and stick with the burnt orange.
Your relationship with UT really began in front of a TV watching the 2005 National Championship game. You could often be a "bandwagoner" and were definitely cheering for Reggie Bush and USC. We did not watch a great deal of football over the years - compared with basketball - but this was a game we watch, as usual, with the Mundells. You were in 5th grade - and it was the biggest stage. I chose to root for UT - because it was Texas and not a silver spoon school in SoCal. Kurt was with you and USC - he always has an opinion. Mike and Danny really didn't care - to my memory. The game was - epic. You talked trash about how great Matt Leinart and Reggie were - that UT had no chance. It looked like you were right for much of the game, although UT kept it close. When it seemed USC was destined to win, UT won on the brilliant scramble by Vince Young as time ran out. We all were exhausted by the game. We chattered about the game for days. None of us could guess we would be in Austin in a little more than a year.
Indeed, we moved into Austin in July 2006. I was thrilled to have a job, and was a big "joineriner" to match your "bandwagoner" self. I remember buying you a UT basketball jersey during one of my visits for the UT job - #10. You were thrilled and wore it proudly with your friends. You researched Longhorn basketball and informed me that the National Player of the Year - TJ Ford was from UT. That was exciting to you for sure.
UT was introduced first at Memorial Student Center - the Underground and blacklight bowling. That was a favorite pastime - we even did one of your birthday parties in Jr. High there. We crowded 25+ friends around two lanes, then the air hockey tables, etc. We opened gifts and celebrated - some of your friends though it was old hat, but others seemed to have their first deep UT experience at that party.
We attended some UT home games that first year - before getting season tickets. They were the "wait in line" random tickets. I remember one set we were on the 20 yard line, student side maybe 15 rows from the bottom. How we got those tickets - I will never know. That was Colt McCoy's record setting freshman year. How we loved watching Colt run the Longhorn offense. I remember two things - first, a long pass Colt threw after a turnover - long pass to the wide receiver. He seemed to catch it right in front of us, elude the tackle and score! We high fived and rejoiced. The Horns were running away with the game, so we scooted down to the front of the stadium and saw how BIG the players really were. I was a little intimidated. You wanted to play football.
On Halloween night in 2006, Danny was in from California - and you were dying to see the Horns basketball team. They had an exhibition game that night. Danny, Caylea and I wanted to walk on 6th Street and see the weird people - Mom was unsure, but you had to see the game. We went - it was a free game and we sat on the first deck - the family behind and you and I up as close as possible. They introduced the UT team, four freshman and a sophomore. I asked you if this was the "B" team and you were quick to tell me that this guy Kevin Durant was rated as the top recruit in the US and chose UT. From that night on - we saw every UT homegame that season watching another UT freshman rewrite the record books - Durant. Your first introduction to Texas A&M was another epic, 3 overtime game, between UT and A&M - actually Durant versus AC Law. Durant and Law poured in shots from 3 point land, exchanging buckets, playing each other on defense, and no one could stop either player. Finally, UT pulled it out in the third overtime. I still remember the good hearted competition between the schools - the Aggie War Hymn, and we ALWAYS stayed to sing the "Eyes of Texas" with the Horns after a game. Football games, we loved walking across campus, after singing the "Eyes" and seeing the Tower lit up orange signifying a win. We never won a National Championship - came close twice with Colt, but always short. Bummer. Watching Alabama play UT was interesting. You really liked Trent Richardson - who won the Heisman. You seemed to root for Alabama - urked me. Early, the game looked to be ours - but Colt was bizarrely hurt and we never could capitalize on turnovers to build up a lead to win. Alas, Alabama was victorious; Richardson was the hero; you made sure I remembered who you predicted would win!
With Jr High activities and High School, time to go to football games, basketball games or other things at UT became more rare. Only once did we go to the Cactus Cafe, but we continued to watch several UT football games each year - you would often invite Jonathan, Jimmy, Max, etc. to go with us. One game, you and Max were going and were wearing random shirts - we stopped at the COOP and bought you both UT shirts - we had to come early, stay late, be loud and wear orange! It was in Jr. High that you went to your first A&M game. You went with Adam Lawson and his father who had season tickets. You were committed to wear UT orange proudly to show off to the Ags. Mom encouraged you to embrace the experience. You DID! It was one of those games that the Ags were blown off the field in the first half, but came back to tie at the end of the game. The overtime victory took two or three periods. So the game was exciting, but the weather was HOT!!! It was something like 105 there - by the end of the game, the few fans remaining, you among them, traveled around the stadium in unison with clouds and shade. Mom and I watched the game on TV - it was hilarious. You came home exhausted, but I could see that the Aggie experience had grabbed you - you were destined to be an Ag from that time forward.
Much like your sister, UT was viewed as not that special and going off to other schools, Pittsburgh or A&M was much more exciting. But Mr. Farrar gave you a tour and you saw the campus with new eyes and wanted to attend. Bummer they gave you the "go to UTSA freshman year" then apply to UT Austin option. Going to Gateway and having a true freshman experience at A&M was too good to pass up. So almost went to a UT, but alas, no.
You did take your Senior Pictures and our Family pictures around campus - among other places. poising in front of the church across from campus was not so memorable - the pictures were not as "cool" as we thought they could be - but they were evocative. Indeed, they were perfect as we remembered your heart. The family pictures were such fun - we poised, you clowned, Caylea stressed to go back to class, and you and Danny and Caylea were the perfect trinity of kids - beautiful/handsome, fun, smart and loving. What great memories and pictures to boot.
You would bring your friends from A&M to see Austin - Mt. Bonnell, Zilker, UT campus to see the Tower and poise for pictures with your Gig 'Em thumbs up. You and Will attended the Thanksgiving game in 2012 - UT versus TCU. It was a BAD UT game, but you cousins had a great time as you showed him around the campus and the stadium. The last significant time at UT was Easter this year - we were at the Erwin Center, where we watched so many games, but the Stone was having the big Easter Service. Mom and Caylea were working with kids, so you, Brenda and I worshiped together. It was a long year - going to get MUCH longer - but worship was a release. You were so honest, so involved - I was inspired. We left and Brenda asked me to take your picture with her looking over the city. We then met at Taco More to prove to Brenda Austin had authentic Mexican food.
I think back and remember the laughs, the smiles, the walks, the sports and life conversations, the bad bowling, the friends, the singing, the great player and games - I mainly remember my son - who went with me to events at UT, who was my friend, my companion, whose presence allowed me to see more and do more. Oh how I wish you stayed home!!! How I wish you were a Longhorn. Maybe you would be reading this with me and we would be joking and laughing. But God had other plans, glorious plans to send you to A&M and you transformed lives showing the Gospel in everything you did there - impacting more lives in one year than I have in seven in Austin. What do I say Ian - I miss you more than words can say, but I am thankful that we shared so much at UT. Seeing the campus, the buildings, the games, reminds me of these times and my tears may fall, but my heart is thankful.
Love you E,
Dad
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
The Rec
Ian,
The Rec always was important to you - from our first visit to College Station, that was THE place you wanted to visit. I was busy pushing to see the Memorial Student Center, Kyle Field, Sully, the Bonfire Memorial - we did see these things, but you wanted to visit the Rec. A cute girl - a friend of a friend - gave us a tour, but you wanted to know more about the Rec and working out - not her. You could obsess about things! We arrived that first time at the Rec and we asked if we could go on a tour. They let us wander around. How thrilled you were to see the size, complexity and variety in the weight room. We were not to "lift" and I could barely keep you off the machines and the weights. We then looked at the rachetball courts, running track, swimming pool. They loaned us a basketball and we shot together. I remembered all the evenings we played basketball in the driveway - shooting, playing one on one, watching you with your friends play, dunk contests. It all flooded back to me - those day were so precious, but you were moving on. What thankfulness welled up in my heart for you, for the things we shared, and we shot, played a little one on one, and you beat me silly!!!
When you moved in to the dorm for Gateway, it was all I could do to keep you focused - get your ID, get your key, move your stuff in, arrange the room - because you wanted to immediately go to the Rec. The prospect of that weight room being yours - was too much for you to handle. That first evening, we attended the event at the Alumni Center. Tons of people were there and we were "cross dressed" nice enough to be there, but ready for the Rec. We poised for pictures under the Big Ring. I wanted a picture with you and you practically crawled in my arms and flung yourself back - the picture was dark, but I think it captures our laughter and joy. I was intent on you seeing the things in the Center - you were concerned with the girls greeting everyone. It was hot, College Station hot, and you waited in the long concession line to get punch and cookies for the girls. They were shocked that someone was serving them! Let alone such a cute freshman guy - I bet each rethought their boundaries to date freshman at that moment. Once again, the picture I have does not capture their surprise, their joy - but it shows your perceptive and generous heart. Makes a dad very proud! We looked at history of the rings and then headed to the Rec - our real goal all along.
The Rec weight room was all you dreamed it to be - many options for machines, free weights, and other workout equipment. We worked out hard - following your regime and then you wanted to run. How I hate running - how I wish I ran with you more - but we ran and ran. I was amazed with your energy and endurance. I was sucking wind and you were sprinting. What a physical specimen you were! After the Rec we retired to the dorm room. Your roommate was staying with friends and so he let me sleep in his bunk. We had them maximally high so the desks had max head room. We seemed 12 inches from the ceiling and NO guard rail. I tucked in my sheets on the non-wall side to help prevent the long fall to the floor.
The next morning we got up and did breakfast in dorm area and headed to Gateway activities. That evening it was back to the Rec. The walk from Kyle field, under Welborne, emerging looking at the parking garage ahead and the path to the Rec to the left is impressed on my mind. It was our daily path leading to our routine of working out and running. We tried to finish all our list - get you registered with the disabilities office - I don't think that ever got finished. We saw presentations about the Corps, classes, student services. I thought you may rethink and join the Corps for a day. But that passed. Each morning and afternoon we threw the blue frisbee in the Quad outside the Corps dorms. Sometimes people would join in, most of the time they would watch. I was so proud that my son would play with me still - that he would focus this time with me. What a son! We also threw the disc as you went to class and I hung out waiting for you to finish. I still remember after you signed up for classes, I was to head back to Austin and you planned to head back to the Rec that evening.
From Tresten and Brendon, etc., once in Moses, you continued the Rec activities. We worked out when we moved you in - Mom took a break, but we walked through the passage under Welborn and to the Rec and back. It was a longer walk for sure from Moses. But to you, the Rec was worth every step. We texted about your workouts during your time in College Station; we discussed by phone; you apparently were a legend there.
On Parent's Weekend, we worked out the last time together at the Rec. I ran from the B&B to meet you and Brenda there. I ran under the passage again, noting the bikes, the people trafficking around me - I was intent on seeing you. We met - you were late - Brenda looking so proud to be with you. We discussed workout strategies. For the first time, you agreed to follow mine. We used a 30 lb dumbell as a kettlebell and did my full cardio weight workout. Brenda used a smaller weight. You were exhausted as we finished. I tried to act like I was okay - but I was worn out too. You then insisted that we finish with deadlifts - something that you were focused on recently. They nearly wiped me out. We waited to finish with pull ups - you were impressive with your form and number as always - at the end of the workout no less! I struggled. Brenda finished strong. We parted ways and you headed back to the dorm to clean up. Our evening at the coffee shop and the next day will be part of another story. But our time at the Rec was awesome.
Coming back to the Rec this past week for the blood drive was tough. I did not realize that I parked Danny and I such that we had to walk next to the passage under Welborn. The thought, the vision, the feeling of walking with you through this passage so many times to the Rec overwhelmed me. I could not, would not again. Danny and I entered the Rec and were greeted by your friends - they love and miss you greatly. During the drive that provided materials for 90 people, girls you smiled at in Moses, people who heard about you, people alerted by the University President's Tweets, your closest friends all came and gave. Trestin, John and others looked more buff than ever - following your example working out at the Rec. You loved smoothies and we bought Smoothie King for everyone. A small gift in response to their gift. Jeremy the managr of Smoothie King told mom and I how you visited him every day in Sbisa. You bought a smoothie every few days, but always said Hello. We know you talked about working there often. He spoke of what a quality young man you were - one that stuck out in his memory and his saddness learning that you have gone home. I wandered around the Rec - reliving our lifts, our runs, our basketball, our watching racketball players, swimmers - it was overwhelming the sweet memories that flooded back. How I miss you Ian - I have no words. I walked to move Danny's car and paused at the passageway - remembering again our walks for a year - from our first visits to April - to go to the Rec. I swelled with pride in who you are, with the lives you have impacted, the joys we shared.
Thank you Ian for sharing the Rec with me. There is so much more, but this is a start to keep these memories alive.
Love you Ian,
dad
The Rec always was important to you - from our first visit to College Station, that was THE place you wanted to visit. I was busy pushing to see the Memorial Student Center, Kyle Field, Sully, the Bonfire Memorial - we did see these things, but you wanted to visit the Rec. A cute girl - a friend of a friend - gave us a tour, but you wanted to know more about the Rec and working out - not her. You could obsess about things! We arrived that first time at the Rec and we asked if we could go on a tour. They let us wander around. How thrilled you were to see the size, complexity and variety in the weight room. We were not to "lift" and I could barely keep you off the machines and the weights. We then looked at the rachetball courts, running track, swimming pool. They loaned us a basketball and we shot together. I remembered all the evenings we played basketball in the driveway - shooting, playing one on one, watching you with your friends play, dunk contests. It all flooded back to me - those day were so precious, but you were moving on. What thankfulness welled up in my heart for you, for the things we shared, and we shot, played a little one on one, and you beat me silly!!!
When you moved in to the dorm for Gateway, it was all I could do to keep you focused - get your ID, get your key, move your stuff in, arrange the room - because you wanted to immediately go to the Rec. The prospect of that weight room being yours - was too much for you to handle. That first evening, we attended the event at the Alumni Center. Tons of people were there and we were "cross dressed" nice enough to be there, but ready for the Rec. We poised for pictures under the Big Ring. I wanted a picture with you and you practically crawled in my arms and flung yourself back - the picture was dark, but I think it captures our laughter and joy. I was intent on you seeing the things in the Center - you were concerned with the girls greeting everyone. It was hot, College Station hot, and you waited in the long concession line to get punch and cookies for the girls. They were shocked that someone was serving them! Let alone such a cute freshman guy - I bet each rethought their boundaries to date freshman at that moment. Once again, the picture I have does not capture their surprise, their joy - but it shows your perceptive and generous heart. Makes a dad very proud! We looked at history of the rings and then headed to the Rec - our real goal all along.
The Rec weight room was all you dreamed it to be - many options for machines, free weights, and other workout equipment. We worked out hard - following your regime and then you wanted to run. How I hate running - how I wish I ran with you more - but we ran and ran. I was amazed with your energy and endurance. I was sucking wind and you were sprinting. What a physical specimen you were! After the Rec we retired to the dorm room. Your roommate was staying with friends and so he let me sleep in his bunk. We had them maximally high so the desks had max head room. We seemed 12 inches from the ceiling and NO guard rail. I tucked in my sheets on the non-wall side to help prevent the long fall to the floor.
The next morning we got up and did breakfast in dorm area and headed to Gateway activities. That evening it was back to the Rec. The walk from Kyle field, under Welborne, emerging looking at the parking garage ahead and the path to the Rec to the left is impressed on my mind. It was our daily path leading to our routine of working out and running. We tried to finish all our list - get you registered with the disabilities office - I don't think that ever got finished. We saw presentations about the Corps, classes, student services. I thought you may rethink and join the Corps for a day. But that passed. Each morning and afternoon we threw the blue frisbee in the Quad outside the Corps dorms. Sometimes people would join in, most of the time they would watch. I was so proud that my son would play with me still - that he would focus this time with me. What a son! We also threw the disc as you went to class and I hung out waiting for you to finish. I still remember after you signed up for classes, I was to head back to Austin and you planned to head back to the Rec that evening.
From Tresten and Brendon, etc., once in Moses, you continued the Rec activities. We worked out when we moved you in - Mom took a break, but we walked through the passage under Welborn and to the Rec and back. It was a longer walk for sure from Moses. But to you, the Rec was worth every step. We texted about your workouts during your time in College Station; we discussed by phone; you apparently were a legend there.
On Parent's Weekend, we worked out the last time together at the Rec. I ran from the B&B to meet you and Brenda there. I ran under the passage again, noting the bikes, the people trafficking around me - I was intent on seeing you. We met - you were late - Brenda looking so proud to be with you. We discussed workout strategies. For the first time, you agreed to follow mine. We used a 30 lb dumbell as a kettlebell and did my full cardio weight workout. Brenda used a smaller weight. You were exhausted as we finished. I tried to act like I was okay - but I was worn out too. You then insisted that we finish with deadlifts - something that you were focused on recently. They nearly wiped me out. We waited to finish with pull ups - you were impressive with your form and number as always - at the end of the workout no less! I struggled. Brenda finished strong. We parted ways and you headed back to the dorm to clean up. Our evening at the coffee shop and the next day will be part of another story. But our time at the Rec was awesome.
Coming back to the Rec this past week for the blood drive was tough. I did not realize that I parked Danny and I such that we had to walk next to the passage under Welborn. The thought, the vision, the feeling of walking with you through this passage so many times to the Rec overwhelmed me. I could not, would not again. Danny and I entered the Rec and were greeted by your friends - they love and miss you greatly. During the drive that provided materials for 90 people, girls you smiled at in Moses, people who heard about you, people alerted by the University President's Tweets, your closest friends all came and gave. Trestin, John and others looked more buff than ever - following your example working out at the Rec. You loved smoothies and we bought Smoothie King for everyone. A small gift in response to their gift. Jeremy the managr of Smoothie King told mom and I how you visited him every day in Sbisa. You bought a smoothie every few days, but always said Hello. We know you talked about working there often. He spoke of what a quality young man you were - one that stuck out in his memory and his saddness learning that you have gone home. I wandered around the Rec - reliving our lifts, our runs, our basketball, our watching racketball players, swimmers - it was overwhelming the sweet memories that flooded back. How I miss you Ian - I have no words. I walked to move Danny's car and paused at the passageway - remembering again our walks for a year - from our first visits to April - to go to the Rec. I swelled with pride in who you are, with the lives you have impacted, the joys we shared.
Thank you Ian for sharing the Rec with me. There is so much more, but this is a start to keep these memories alive.
Love you Ian,
dad
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Five months in no-man's land...
Five months in no-man's land...
I feel stuck between yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Yesterday - the Beatles said it well:
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away;
Now it looks as though they're here to stay;
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be;
There's a shadow hanging over me;
Oh, yesterday came suddenly."
Five months ago yesterday became a dream, a wish, a desire ripped from my life as Ian abruptly left our home to enter his eternal home. Yesterday seems like the golden years, the good times, and today feels like I am stuck in mire and muck.
Today - How to live with the shadow? with the wet blanket of grief, covering so much of life? Exacerbated by memories, pictures, hopes and dreams? How to live maimed emotionally, spiritually and physically by the loss of Ian? How to find a new normal - when you just want yesterday? David Crowder reminds me of the path to follow (and yes Ian, as you would often tell me, it is in the key of B like almost all his songs!):
Life is full of light and shadow
O the joy and O the sorrow
O the sorrow
And yet will He bring
Dark to light
And yet will He bring
Day from night
When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When all seems lost
When we're thrown and we're tossed
We remember the cost
We rest in Him
Shadow of the cross (Shadows by DCB)
Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.
I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me. (Psalms 57:1-2)
Tomorrow - The key must be here. Going back to yesterday is impossible; dwelling in yesterday, today, is madness; ignoring the pain is impossible. Tomorrow must equate with hope - in Christ there is hope, for a future, reunion, joy and endurance for road to get there. In God's promises is the strength and hope for healing. As King David and Bono sang (good company!):
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalms 40:1-3)
"How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...I long to sing a new song." (40 by U2)
Lord, draw me out of the pit, put a new song in my mouth, glorify Your Name. Lead me from my yesterday to Your tomorrow - please do this starting today. Until then I will be:
"...waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works." (Titus 2:13-14)
Dad
I feel stuck between yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Yesterday - the Beatles said it well:
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away;
Now it looks as though they're here to stay;
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be;
There's a shadow hanging over me;
Oh, yesterday came suddenly."
Five months ago yesterday became a dream, a wish, a desire ripped from my life as Ian abruptly left our home to enter his eternal home. Yesterday seems like the golden years, the good times, and today feels like I am stuck in mire and muck.
Today - How to live with the shadow? with the wet blanket of grief, covering so much of life? Exacerbated by memories, pictures, hopes and dreams? How to live maimed emotionally, spiritually and physically by the loss of Ian? How to find a new normal - when you just want yesterday? David Crowder reminds me of the path to follow (and yes Ian, as you would often tell me, it is in the key of B like almost all his songs!):
Life is full of light and shadow
O the joy and O the sorrow
O the sorrow
And yet will He bring
Dark to light
And yet will He bring
Day from night
When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When all seems lost
When we're thrown and we're tossed
We remember the cost
We rest in Him
Shadow of the cross (Shadows by DCB)
Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.
I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me. (Psalms 57:1-2)
Tomorrow - The key must be here. Going back to yesterday is impossible; dwelling in yesterday, today, is madness; ignoring the pain is impossible. Tomorrow must equate with hope - in Christ there is hope, for a future, reunion, joy and endurance for road to get there. In God's promises is the strength and hope for healing. As King David and Bono sang (good company!):
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalms 40:1-3)
"How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...I long to sing a new song." (40 by U2)
Lord, draw me out of the pit, put a new song in my mouth, glorify Your Name. Lead me from my yesterday to Your tomorrow - please do this starting today. Until then I will be:
"...waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works." (Titus 2:13-14)
Dad
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Ian and his first car
Ian and his first car
Ian was clear from the start that he did NOT want to have a car like his sister's Honda CIVIC 2-door. He further did not want a white car or a 2-door car - how will he carry around his friends??? He spent inordinate amounts of free time searching the internet for car options - each week his tastes and goals changed. Trucks, vans, cameros, stingrays, you name it. Well one day he and his mom decided to go to Round Rock Honda Used cars - the place we found our Accord and Caylea's CIVIC. There it was - a white CIVIC 2-door (yes, this should have been a 3 strike car from the start!) in great shape. With the desire to get a car growing exponentially each day since we announced we would help him get his first car, his distaste for the CIVIC evaporated quickly. By the time I (his dad) arrived, he was convinced this was the car for him and he loved everything about it - except the stereo! We had Ian negotiate with John Michael for the price - and settled on a fair cost that both he and us can live with. To say the least, he was anxious to get his license and drive this new symbol of freedom. The stereo issue dogged this car - a constant source of frustration and complaining. No surprise that with that Christmas before his 16th birthday, he received a combo birthday/Christmas gift of a new stereo and 4 speakers with appropriate amplification and installation. This made the car the dream vehicle he imagined it could be. But as noted below, the freedom this car afforded was a powerful means of maturing for Ian.
With a driver's license, one cannot drive more than one friend at a time for 6 months. For the social person Ian was, this was a challenge. On one hand he cooperated with this well as it pertained to Marielle his girlfriend - he was glad to have JUST her in the car at a time. But this unfortunately not okay with us or her parents unless they asked - yet they found times and ways to ride together all the time without asking or our knowledge: to or from school, to lunch, out late at night, to and from her house. This left Ian with being "grounded" from his car due to his frequent misuse of the freedom with Marielle. Then, the big event happened. Ian was at the Messina's (we were hanging with them often). During one weekend, Ian and his friends decided to experiment with marajuana at a friend's house of Aaron. The challenge was how to get back to the Messina's. Well, they found a way - Ian would put Aaron and two friends in the car and drive back to the Messina's - stoned. This did not go without notice by the Messina's and we received a call to come get our son. To his credit, Ian was honest and owned up to his part - getting stoned and driving stoned and driving more than one person. Others did not own up so quickly. For breaking several laws, Ian was left with a car in the driveway for 6 months unused. Riding to school on a bus with Freshman was a bummer and soon he was finding friends to get him to and from school so he did not have to endure the humiliation of such "public" transportation.
During this respite from "car freedom," the relationship with Marielle continued to grow - so when he got the car back, they were once again hanging out. But the problem is that the times they chose were late at night, or better said in the middle of the night. With warnings that we would sell his car if he did not cease from misusing his freedom, Ian decided to - keep seeing Marielle in the middle of the night (without us knowing). This apparently continued until one evening when Caylea was sick - I mean projectile vomiting sick. She was staying in the guest bedroom/office. She texted her mom to help and Lanette headed to the bedroom and found Ian coming from the bathroom toward the living room. With a start, he said that he had heard Caylea vomiting and he was coming to tell us about this - but went to the bathroom first. That seemed odd. He headed back to his bedroom and Lanette stayed in the guest room to help Caylea. She was headed to living room to get something and something drew her attention to the front windows of the house - she saw Ian hopping in his car with Marielle in the front seat and driving off. She took care of Caylea and soon heard a car pull back in the driveway. As she entered Ian's room, Ian was climbing back in his open window. Busted. Apparently he and Marielle were out - parking - but Ian had to go to the bathroom. Instead of using a tree, bush, or shadow - Ian chose to come back in OUR house with his sister sick and us checking on her often to go to the bathroom. After his encounter with his mom, he dropped Marielle at her house and crawled into her room with her by her window and then left the same way before driving back to our house. Well that part of the story was confirmed by a call from Marielle's mom saying that she just saw our son crawling out Marielle's window. Bummer for both of them.
The keys were confiscated and the verdict was issued - not a surprise to him and he acknowledged that we were merely following through on what we had said we would do if he did not use his freedom responsibly. Soon, Danny bought Ian's car and he was without a car again. A difficult time with that first car - maybe the 3 strike look of white, 2-door and CIVIC was a sign. The money Danny paid was put in a bank to buy Ian's next car - the rust-bucket Pathfinder that would hold Bessy!
Ian was clear from the start that he did NOT want to have a car like his sister's Honda CIVIC 2-door. He further did not want a white car or a 2-door car - how will he carry around his friends??? He spent inordinate amounts of free time searching the internet for car options - each week his tastes and goals changed. Trucks, vans, cameros, stingrays, you name it. Well one day he and his mom decided to go to Round Rock Honda Used cars - the place we found our Accord and Caylea's CIVIC. There it was - a white CIVIC 2-door (yes, this should have been a 3 strike car from the start!) in great shape. With the desire to get a car growing exponentially each day since we announced we would help him get his first car, his distaste for the CIVIC evaporated quickly. By the time I (his dad) arrived, he was convinced this was the car for him and he loved everything about it - except the stereo! We had Ian negotiate with John Michael for the price - and settled on a fair cost that both he and us can live with. To say the least, he was anxious to get his license and drive this new symbol of freedom. The stereo issue dogged this car - a constant source of frustration and complaining. No surprise that with that Christmas before his 16th birthday, he received a combo birthday/Christmas gift of a new stereo and 4 speakers with appropriate amplification and installation. This made the car the dream vehicle he imagined it could be. But as noted below, the freedom this car afforded was a powerful means of maturing for Ian.
With a driver's license, one cannot drive more than one friend at a time for 6 months. For the social person Ian was, this was a challenge. On one hand he cooperated with this well as it pertained to Marielle his girlfriend - he was glad to have JUST her in the car at a time. But this unfortunately not okay with us or her parents unless they asked - yet they found times and ways to ride together all the time without asking or our knowledge: to or from school, to lunch, out late at night, to and from her house. This left Ian with being "grounded" from his car due to his frequent misuse of the freedom with Marielle. Then, the big event happened. Ian was at the Messina's (we were hanging with them often). During one weekend, Ian and his friends decided to experiment with marajuana at a friend's house of Aaron. The challenge was how to get back to the Messina's. Well, they found a way - Ian would put Aaron and two friends in the car and drive back to the Messina's - stoned. This did not go without notice by the Messina's and we received a call to come get our son. To his credit, Ian was honest and owned up to his part - getting stoned and driving stoned and driving more than one person. Others did not own up so quickly. For breaking several laws, Ian was left with a car in the driveway for 6 months unused. Riding to school on a bus with Freshman was a bummer and soon he was finding friends to get him to and from school so he did not have to endure the humiliation of such "public" transportation.
During this respite from "car freedom," the relationship with Marielle continued to grow - so when he got the car back, they were once again hanging out. But the problem is that the times they chose were late at night, or better said in the middle of the night. With warnings that we would sell his car if he did not cease from misusing his freedom, Ian decided to - keep seeing Marielle in the middle of the night (without us knowing). This apparently continued until one evening when Caylea was sick - I mean projectile vomiting sick. She was staying in the guest bedroom/office. She texted her mom to help and Lanette headed to the bedroom and found Ian coming from the bathroom toward the living room. With a start, he said that he had heard Caylea vomiting and he was coming to tell us about this - but went to the bathroom first. That seemed odd. He headed back to his bedroom and Lanette stayed in the guest room to help Caylea. She was headed to living room to get something and something drew her attention to the front windows of the house - she saw Ian hopping in his car with Marielle in the front seat and driving off. She took care of Caylea and soon heard a car pull back in the driveway. As she entered Ian's room, Ian was climbing back in his open window. Busted. Apparently he and Marielle were out - parking - but Ian had to go to the bathroom. Instead of using a tree, bush, or shadow - Ian chose to come back in OUR house with his sister sick and us checking on her often to go to the bathroom. After his encounter with his mom, he dropped Marielle at her house and crawled into her room with her by her window and then left the same way before driving back to our house. Well that part of the story was confirmed by a call from Marielle's mom saying that she just saw our son crawling out Marielle's window. Bummer for both of them.
The keys were confiscated and the verdict was issued - not a surprise to him and he acknowledged that we were merely following through on what we had said we would do if he did not use his freedom responsibly. Soon, Danny bought Ian's car and he was without a car again. A difficult time with that first car - maybe the 3 strike look of white, 2-door and CIVIC was a sign. The money Danny paid was put in a bank to buy Ian's next car - the rust-bucket Pathfinder that would hold Bessy!
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Song 3: All My Tears from "Good Monsters" CD - Jars of Clay
Here is a song from Ian's favorite Jars of Clay CD. He would
play this CD every morning getting ready for school for well over a year. I
think this CD is Caylea Pogue's and maybe Danny's favorite Jars CD too. I let
them comment agreement or disagreement on that.
This song is Ian's message to us, his friends and family
left behind here in time. My prayer is that it will be our testimony as well.
It didn't matter to Ian where he was buried - he was already
home; he was already free. Thanks to all who have celebrated his life by
spreading some of Ian in France, England, Portugal, Spain, Poland, Colombia,
Kenya, Germany, California, Washington DC, Nashville, Ohio, College Station
(pond hopping with our "kids" on the TAMU campus), Wichita Falls, and
various places around Austin, e.g. Mount Bonnell, Zilker Park, and other
locations. Ian has "got around" for sure!!! But that is not him; he
is not here but resting in his Father's arms.
Weep not for Ian, his life belongs to "the First and
the Last, the Living One. Who died, and behold Who is alive forevermore, and
holds the keys of Death and Hades" (Rev. 1:17-18). He is the One to whom
Ian's life belongs, the One who will raise the dead again. So though we may
weep because we miss Ian's physical presence, we know he is safe and home. We
weep for ourselves and what we miss - but we grieve with a sure hope, that we
will rejoice with Ian before God's throne soon. There all our tears will be washed
away!
Jars Of Clay
"All My Tears" from "Good Monsters"
When I go, don't cry for me
In my Father's arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole.
Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my Savior knows my name.
It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.
Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store,
Come and drink, and thirst no more
It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away
So, weep not for me my friends,
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to Him
Who will raise the dead again.
It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Song 2: More Than Fine-Switchfoot
When I wake in the morning,
I want to blow into pieces.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
When I'm up with the sunrise
I want more than just blue skies.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
I'm not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.
I'm not giving up, giving up, not backing down.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.
When I'm lit with the sunrise.
I want more than just a good time.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok...
Jon Foreman sings of pursuing life with more gusto and
lasting purpose than what normally dominates the common, pedestrian approach to
life in the 21st century. We seek small things: no hassles, green lights, no
flats, no arguments, plenty, no suffering, a modicum of happiness, and a fairy
tale ending. As I hear stories, see pictures, and review our conversations, I
see that Ian wanted a life that was more than "fine" and spent his
time and money investing in depth - deep relationships, meaningful experiences,
lasting return, and eternal hope. Just think about his work out approach - he
was not giving up to be in shape and drag as many people as possible into shape
with him. He pursued holiness with the same energy through accountability
groups, giving his resources and time, in private conversations and dragging
friends to worship. This may mean he was a "A, B, C" student, got
little sleep and was full-on busy - but he sought to suck the marrow out of
life. He may have lived 19 years - but those years were definitely "more
than fine!" He inspires me to pursue the same set of lasting virtues and
live "more than fine!" Now that he sits in the presence of our Father
- Ian is certainly "more than fine!!!"
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